Sunday, September 2, 2012

I. Kid. You. Press

You might love this song:


Gunna write my own mumblecore screenplay. It starts with this, imagine two friends lying in bed, sweating in wifebeaters in some janky hotel en route (via car) to an old, mutual friend's wedding:

Charlie: I got into an argument about the Kinks yesterday.
Josephine: About what? you love the Kinks.
Charlie: I do.
Josephine: So what was the argument?
Charlie: That they are awesome.
Josephine:...and someone disagreed I assume.
Charlie: Yeah they started talking about the Eagles and I knew we would never agree.
Josephine: So you punched him/her in the face right? That's how I "win" arguments. These days.
Charlie: I said "fucking die" and ran out. Crying.
Josephine: Coward, FALSTAFF. Come back, Falstaff, come back.
Charlie: I'm gonna go throw up. So you like me.
Josephine: That is exactly what will make me like you. That and joining my band Awkawarda. So stop running away crying. Pony up, and puke. Pick up an instrument. I'm going to go brush my teeth. Also, I'm stealing honey. From this hotel.
Charlie: Is that a euphemism for wanking?
Josephine: Hotel honey stealing. Girls dont wank, Charlie. They "rub one out."
Charlie: Play dj on the flesh record.
Josephine: Playin' the DJ Tanner? "Flesh record" is NOT an ok image. I feel my brain collapsing into a burning hammock.
Charlie: You're finished.
Josephine: This time I'm really going to brush my teeth. Stealing honey in the morning is the plan.



Okay never mind. Isn't the problem with mumblecore that the dialogue is inane so even though they're character studies, it's hard to care about the characters? So the dialogue should incorporate Derrida and Kristeva. And honey. And childhood stories about building igloos & being stung by bees. And favorite hiding places. This will all happen when Josephine comes out of the bathroom.

Or this will never happen because I kid you. Once I get back to Denver (after exactly a month of traveling) I will not be like this, I promise. I think you know what I mean by "this." The dark place where writing fake mumblecore dialogue at 2am comes from.

No comments: