Friday, August 31, 2012

For Realsies Press

You can watch Elizabeth Willis read poems here from Address:
Your life will be better if you do. That's all I'm sayin'.


New issue of DIAGRAM just popped out of your mamma. Check it here:
With rockers such as: [Ann Beman] [Steven Matthew Brown] [Allison Carter] [Joel Chace] [Jessica Chrastil] [J. J. Cromer] [Alex Crowley] [Dennis Etzel Jr.] [Kit Frick] [Tyler Gobble] [Julia Guez] [Carolyn Hembree] [Gina Keicher] [Mike Lala] [David Dodd Lee] [Thomas Macfie] [Sally Wen Mao] [Alexandra Mattraw] [Ben Purkert] [Sternus Vulgaris] [G. C. Waldrep] [Joshua Ware] [Jon Wilkins] [Wendy Xu]

Dig in.


I'm in a fancy hotel in DC. I always have to shift the cold AC air in any hotel room by like 8 degrees, which I did promptly when I got here (from 68 to 76). Brrr. Tomorrow I might drive my grandma around to look at monuments before we go to the pre-wedding BBQ. Tonight was the Korean Tea Ceremony. It was beautiful & involved tea; breaking a gourd; loving toasts; throwing chestnuts & dates & the bride & groom catching them. And someone from Provi's mom's Korean church handmade rice wine for everyone there. Amazing. My cousin gets married on Sunday!

Doth Two Bucks Pass in the Night Press

"I believe in exploration. I am not particularly interested in analyzing the limitations of exploration, as I believe doing so works more towards impeding discovery than engaging with it." --Emily Pettit

Check out her interview with the awesome Bianca Stone at Her Kind.


I'm on a bus to DC. Get me off this goddamn bus, please.


Did you burn the branch with your winding eye? On the island we hear 120 train cars shuffling coal over the dark bridge. On the island we're surrounded by night-milk & straw hats. I have faith in the mystery. Mystery only exists without god. To vanish into the investigation. Carry the raft. Crouch below the web. Oars pull the algae back to the wrists. If the current keeps us. Library of brambles, sleep not soon.

Nice Lime Press

Briefly in Richmond. Last night RJC & I carried a boat & walked it to the river & rafted to an island & sat on that island watching the longest coal train in the world meander by us over the bridge & talked about the relationship between sounds & responsibility. Then we paddled away toward a different shore & floated for a while among the algae & river grass. Geese perched on dark rocks. The city reflected in milky water.

I think I just fulfilled my oldest, unrequited childhood fantasy. There is a file in my brain called Moments of Deep Contentedness, it's a thin file with specific moments I can recall involving a particular sense of being in the present moment & calmness & last night goes into that file.


We also developed a reality TV show about anarchists called Anarchist Island.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

In Water Press

One of the last few days to buy my book, Triggermoon Triggermoon, on SALE price (10 bucks instead of 14):

Thanks for allowing this shameless self-promotion.


I'd just like to point out that WELL BEFORE James Wright's famous line, "I have wasted my life" (published 1963), we have Lorine Niedecker's line from the perspective of her mother, "I have wasted my whole life in water" (published 1946). You can compare:


....Good-bye to lilacs by the door
and all I planted by the eye.
If I could hear-- too much talk in the world,
too much wind washing, washing
good black dirt away.

Her hair is high.
Big blind ears.

I've wasted my whole life in water.
My man's got nothing but leaky boats.
My daughter, writer, sits and floats.


THEN we have Wright's:

Lying in a Hammock at William Duffy’s Farm in Pine Island, Minnesota

Over my head, I see the bronze butterfly,
Asleep on the black trunk,
Blowing like a leaf in green shadow.
Down the ravine behind the empty house,
The cowbells follow one another
Into the distances of the afternoon.
To my right,
In a field of sunlight between two pines,
The droppings of last year’s horses
Blaze up into golden stones.
I lean back, as the evening darkens and comes on.
A chicken hawk floats over, looking for home.
I have wasted my life.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Vanishing The Vanish The Van The Press

I shouldn't have done a Best Texts of August round-up before the month was over because friends, you are funny, & here are 3 more:

1. "I'm the most Amish non-Amish person at this produce auction. Also a sign says, 'Bathrooms are coming soon please be patient.'"
2. Watching Gossip Girl. You should come back soon before I completely crack."
3. 1/3 LARPers, 1/3 people from Guam, 1/2 a bunch of seriously kind goony super-dorks. My cousins wedding was today. That's the guest breakdown."


Also, my mom emailed me about my cousin's wedding this weekend and wrote:

there's an outdoor heated pool-- want to bring bathsuits and I have an extra set of goggles

I love "I have an extra set of goggles." I don't need to explain why that's funny, right?

I'm totally going to take BOTH her sets of goggles.


Also, this is pretty good:

Monday, August 27, 2012

Everything We Make We Make for Tourists Press

While I'm leaving NYC, I think you should go to these two readings:

Wednesday, September 5, 6pm
Cornelia Street Cafe
29 Cornelia Street
New York, NY
Rachel Zucker, Wayne Koestenbaum, Ariana Reines and Ben Fama

Saturday, September 15, 3-6pm
The Drink
228 Manhattan Ave
between Maujer & Grand
Brooklyn, NY 11206
Rachel Zucker, Lee Ann Brown, Marjani Forté, Liz Clark, Nicole Dennis, and Bridgett Davis.


Also, I love the artist Karni Dorell and she's having open studios in Sept:

Dearest Friends and Colleagues -

My studio will be open to the public on the weekend of September 8th and 9th along with about 1800 other artists in Brooklyn!

I'm participating in GO a borough-wide open studio project organized by the Brooklyn Museum. Studio doors will be open to voters from 11:00am to 7:00pm on September 8 and 9, 2012. Community members registered as voters will visit studios and nominate artists for inclusion in a group exhibition to open at the Brooklyn Museum on Target First Saturday, December 1, 2012.

If you want to support me (and my fellow artists) here's what you have to do:

Register to vote & add my studio to your itinerary. Plan a walking studio day and see tons of art, have lunch around the corner from me at Jalopy Tavern

Share your itinerary via Facebook, Twitter, email, or blog

Gather your friends, neighbors, families and colleagues and come visit my studio over the GO open studio weekend.

·Sign up for GO news or follow GO on Twitter

There's a cute animation on this site of how it all works and best of all - a lot pictures of artists and their work! Here's my page:
This is quite an opportunity. By being part of the active audience, you are spreading curiosity and the intellectual hunger this borough is known for.
GO and COME on the 8th &/or the 9th - we'll have a toast!

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Staten Island Ferry Press

I'm very excited to have 4 poems up on the BOMB website along side art by Geoffrey Todd Smith:
Thanks to Daniel Moysaenko for including me in Word Choice.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

We Attract Camouflage Press

I'm missing Bill Cassidy today. He was good at walking, we used to walk around this city together with cans of beer. We were kids. We liked to whack the fire escapes with our hands. Here is a piece of one of his poems:

you can really learn about someone
in the morning as a pair eating
or the way she sips water & won't look at you
while you clean your nails with a paperclip
how quickly a link can seem an exaggeration
another stupor leaning
after stimulant
my nose is your nose
we attract camouflage
then follow a body through a mall

Shitty Clouds Press

Time for a best texts of August update:

1. "Champagne corks, an empty room in a library, whales, a real dumb goat, cemeteries, they all factor in."
2. "The sound today was exceptional. I mean I have really sharp scissors and awfully thick hair."
3."I miss you motherfucker."
4."I promise I will never let you win at anything."
5. "I'm liking an Iron Maiden documentary more than I should."

Thank you, friends.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Fireside Macabre Press

Here are some things about NY that I've been reminded of since returning to NY for the week:

1. There is no inch of sidewalk that has not at some point been pissed or shitted on. None. You are always walking on dried shit or piss all the time.

2. If you walk around DUMBO at night while walking the dog, you might interrupt Orthodox Jewish teenagers making-out in their parents' mini van. This is awesome. Somehow.

3. Bodegas, bars, babies.

4. Saw Amy Schumer do standup last night:

Ok, I have to go read a book.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Blue Liquid, Clear Glass Press

Today I'm going to read Lorine Niedecker's biography and then meet up with some of my favorite people in NY to see standup at the Comedy Cellar. So, that's exciting.

Unfortunately, every time I try and read the news I read about how UNdemocratic politicians are being, like an Ohio GOP election official trying to prevent African Americans from voting:
WTF dude?

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Sugar & Boom Press

Today was the first day since I left Denver on August 3rd that I've had all to myself. Thank you M&T for inviting me to dogsit/housesit. I spend the day hanging out with their dog, finished writing a review of Fen Sun Chen's Butcher's Tree (finally!), and watching season 2 of Louie. I've been listening to Nico Muhly for the last hour while reading the news. And now, a little depressing media recap for you!

Ah yes, this totally makes sense...clearly Republican Senate Nominee Todd Akin has a solid understanding of how the female body works..:

Rep. Todd Akin, the Republican nominee for Senate in Missouri who is running against Sen. Claire McCaskill, justified his opposition to abortion rights even in case of rape with a claim that victims of “legitimate rape” have unnamed biological defenses that prevent pregnancy.

“First of all, from what I understand from doctors [pregnancy from rape] is really rare,” Akin told KTVI-TV in an interview posted Sunday. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Akin said that even in the worst-case scenario — when the supposed natural protections against unwanted pregnancy fail — abortion should still not be a legal option for the rape victim.

“Let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work, or something,” Akin said. “I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be on the rapist and not attacking the child.”


You can read his apology here. Maybe he should take a basic 7th grade sex ed class to understand, OH WAIT, I forgot he's one of those people who don't think sex ed should be taught:

And Then The Night Turned to Haystacks & Silos Press

I went to an art show/opening last night for James Cogbill ( at a friend's place I haven't seen since 2005. That friend, Asher Israelow, is an amazing furniture designer/maker now so you should check his work out: I think I'm going to stop by his workspace later this week and guess what, I'm so excited!

Ok, this is James's work:

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Riot Press

I'm re-posting this because you should read it if you haven't already:

On August 8th, the three members of Russian feminist punk band Pussy Riot delivered their closing statements at the Moscow Khamovniki District Court. Charged with “hooliganism motivated by religious hatred,” Maria Alyokhina, Yekaterina Samutsevich, and Nadezhda Tolokonnikova were first arrested on March 3, a day before the controversial re-election of Vladimir Putin. Meanwhile, they had committed their crime on February 21, when five members of Pussy Riot staged a guerrilla performance on the altar of the Cathedral of Christ the Savior in Moscow. For less than a minute, the women danced, singing “Our Lady, Chase Putin Out!” and crossing themselves until they were apprehended by security guards. If found guilty, they face three years in prison.

In a country that was willing to sic its secular court on a “religious” cause, Pussy Riot are true revolutionaries. Nonetheless, it was not until they delivered these closing statements that their supporters—and opponents—heard what these three brave women stand for. Although they are being crushed in the jaws of the system—and know it!—their courage and steadfast sincerity are sufficient cause for (impossible) hope. If not for the Russian state, then at least for the Russian people.

—Bela Shayevich

Yekaterina Samutsevich

In the closing statement, the defendant is expected to repent, express regret for her deeds, or enumerate attenuating circumstances. In my case, as in the case of my colleagues in the group, this is completely unnecessary. Instead, I want to voice some thoughts about what has happened to us.

That Christ the Savior Cathedral had become a significant symbol in the political strategy of the authorities was clear to many thinking people when Vladimir Putin’s former [KGB] colleague Kirill Gundyayev took over as leader of the Russian Orthodox Church. After this happened, Christ the Savior Cathedral began to be openly used as a flashy backdrop for the politics of the security forces, which are the main source of political power in Russia.

Why did Putin feel the need to exploit the Orthodox religion and its aesthetic? After all, he could have employed his own, far more secular tools of power—for example, the state-controlled corporations, or his menacing police system, or his obedient judicial system. It may be that the harsh, failed policies of Putin’s government, the incident with the submarine Kursk, the bombings of civilians in broad daylight, and other unpleasant moments in his political career forced him to ponder the fact that it was high time to resign; that otherwise, the citizens of Russia would help him do this. Apparently, it was then that he felt the need for more persuasive, transcendent guarantees of his long tenure at the pinnacle of power. It was then that it became necessary to make use of the aesthetic of the Orthodox religion, which is historically associated with the heyday of Imperial Russia, where power came not from earthly manifestations such as democratic elections and civil society, but from God Himself.

How did Putin succeed in this? After all, we still have a secular state, and any intersection of the religious and political spheres should be dealt with severely by our vigilant and critically minded society. Right? Here, apparently, the authorities took advantage of a certain deficit of the Orthodox aesthetic in Soviet times, when the Orthodox religion had an aura of lost history, of something that had been crushed and damaged by the Soviet totalitarian regime, and was thus an opposition culture. The authorities decided to appropriate this historical effect of loss and present a new political project to restore Russia’s lost spiritual values, a project that has little to do with a genuine concern for the preservation of Russian Orthodoxy’s history and culture.

It was also fairly logical that the Russian Orthodox Church, given its long mystical ties to power, emerged as the project’s principal exponent in the media. It was decided that, unlike in the Soviet era, when the church opposed, above all, the brutality of the authorities toward history itself, the Russian Orthodox Church should now confront all pernicious manifestations of contemporary mass culture with its concept of diversity and tolerance.

Implementing this thoroughly interesting political project has required considerable quantities of professional lighting and video equipment, air time on national television for hours-long live broadcasts, and numerous background shoots for morally and ethically edifying news stories, where the Patriarch’s well-constructed speeches would in fact be presented, thus helping the faithful make the correct political choice during a difficult time for Putin preceding the election. Moreover, the filming must be continuous; the necessary images must be burned into the memory and constantly updated; they must create the impression of something natural, constant, and compulsory.

Our sudden musical appearance in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior with the song “Mother of God, Drive Putin Out” violated the integrity of the media image that the authorities had spent such a long time generating and maintaining, and revealed its falsity. In our performance we dared, without the Patriarch’s blessing, to unite the visual imagery of Orthodox culture with that of protest culture, thus suggesting that Orthodox culture belongs not only to the Russian Orthodox Church, the Patriarch, and Putin, but that it could also ally itself with civic rebellion and the spirit of protest in Russia.

Perhaps the unpleasant, far-reaching effect of our media intrusion into the cathedral was a surprise to the authorities themselves. At first, they tried to present our performance as a prank pulled by heartless, militant atheists. This was a serious blunder on their part, because by then we were already known as an anti-Putin feminist punk band that carried out its media assaults on the country’s major political symbols.

In the end, considering all the irreversible political and symbolic losses caused by our innocent creativity, the authorities decided to protect the public from us and our nonconformist thinking. Thus ended our complicated punk adventure in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior.

I now have mixed feelings about this trial. On the one hand, we expect a guilty verdict. Compared to the judicial machine, we are nobodies, and we have lost. On the other hand, we have won. The whole world now sees that the criminal case against us has been fabricated. The system cannot conceal the repressive nature of this trial. Once again, the world sees Russia differently than the way Putin tries to present it at his daily international meetings. Clearly, none of the steps Putin promised to take toward instituting the rule of law has been taken. And his statement that this court will be objective and hand down a fair verdict is yet another deception of the entire country and the international community. That is all. Thank you.

Translated by Chto Delat News

Maria Alyokhina

This trial is highly typical and speaks volumes. The current government will have occasion to feel shame and embarrassment because of it for a long time to come. At each stage it has embodied a travesty of justice. As it turned out, our performance, at first a small and somewhat absurd act, snowballed into an enormous catastrophe. This would obviously not happen in a healthy society. Russia, as a state, has long resembled an organism sick to the core. And the sickness explodes out into the open when you rub up against its inflamed abscesses. At first and for a long time this sickness gets hushed up in public, but eventually it always finds resolution through dialogue. And look—this is the kind of dialogue that our government is capable of. This trial is not only a malignant and grotesque mask, it is the “face” of the government’s dialogue with the people of our country. To prompt discussion about a problem on the societal level, you often need the right conditions—an impetus.

And it is interesting that our situation was depersonalized from the start. This is because when we talk about Putin, we have in mind first and foremost not Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin but Putin the system that he himself created—the power vertical, where all control is carried out effectively by one person. And that power vertical is uninterested, completely uninterested, in the opinion of the masses. And what worries me most of all is that the opinion of the younger generations is not taken into consideration. We believe that the ineffectiveness of this administration is evident in practically everything.

And right here, in this closing statement, I would like to describe my firsthand experience of running afoul of this system. Our schooling, which is where the personality begins to form in a social context, effectively ignores any particularities of the individual. There is no “individual approach,” no study of culture, of philosophy, of basic knowledge about civic society. Officially, these subjects do exist, but they are still taught according to the Soviet model. And as a result, we see the marginalization of contemporary art in the public consciousness, a lack of motivation for philosophical thought, and gender stereotyping. The concept of the human being as a citizen gets swept away into a distant corner.

Today’s educational institutions teach people, from childhood, to live as automatons. Not to pose the crucial questions consistent with their age. They inculcate cruelty and intolerance of nonconformity. Beginning in childhood, we forget our freedom.

I have personal experience with psychiatric clinics for minors. And I can say with conviction that any teenager who shows any signs of active nonconformity can end up in such a place. A certain percentage of the kids there are from orphanages.

In our country, it’s considered entirely normal to commit a child who has tried to escape from an orphanage to a psychiatric clinic. And they treat them using extremely powerful sedatives like Aminazin, which was also used to subdue Soviet dissidents in the ’70s.

This is especially traumatizing given the overall punitive tendency and the absence of any real psychological assistance. All interactions are based on the exploitation of the children’s feelings of fear and forced submission. And as a result, their own cruelty increases many times over. Many children there are illiterate, but no one makes any effort to battle this—to the contrary, every last drop of motivation for personal development is discouraged. The individual closes off entirely and loses faith in the world.

I would like to note that this method of personal development clearly impedes the awakening of both inner and religious freedoms, unfortunately, on a mass scale. The consequence of the process I have just described is ontological humility, existential humility, socialization. To me, this transition, or rupture, is noteworthy in that, if approached from the point of view of Christian culture, we see that meanings and symbols are being replaced by those that are diametrically opposed to them. Thus one of the most important Christian concepts, Humility, is now commonly understood not as a path towards the perception, fortification, and ultimate liberation of Man, but on the contrary as an instrument for his enslavement. To quote [Russian philosopher] Nikolai Berdyaev, one could say that “the ontology of humility is the ontology of the slaves of God, and not the sons of God.” When I was involved with organizing the ecological movement, I became fundamentally convinced of the priority of inner freedom as the foundation for taking action. As well as the importance, the direct importance, of taking action as such.

To this day I find it astonishing that, in our country, we need the support of several thousands of individuals in order to put an end to the despotism of one or a handful of bureaucrats. I would like to note that our trial stands as a very eloquent confirmation of the fact that we need the support of thousands of individuals from all over the world in order to prove the obvious: that the three of us are not guilty. We are not guilty; the whole world says so. The whole world says it at concerts, the whole world says it on the internet, the whole world says it in the press. They say it in Parliament. The Prime Minister of England greets our President not with words about the Olympics, but with the question, “Why are three innocent women sitting in prison?” It’s shameful.

But I find it even more astonishing that people don’t believe that they can have any influence on the regime. During the pickets and demonstrations [of the winter and spring], back when I was collecting signatures and organizing petitions, many people would ask me—and ask me with sincere bewilderment—why in the world they should care about, what business could they possibly have, with that little patch of forest in the Krasnodar region–even though it is perhaps unique in Russia, perhaps primeval? Why should they care if the wife of our Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev wants to build an official residence there and destroy the only juniper preserve in Russia? These people . . . this is yet another confirmation that people in our country have lost the sense that this country belongs to us, its citizens. They no longer have a sense of themselves as citizens. They have a sense of themselves simply as the automated masses. They don’t feel that the forest belongs to them, even the forest located right next to their houses. I doubt they even feel a sense of ownership over their own houses. Because if someone were to drive up to their porch with a bulldozer and tell them that they need to evacuate, that, “Excuse us, we’re going raze your house to make room for a bureaucrat’s residence,” these people would obediently collect their belongings, collect their bags, and go out on the street. And then stay there precisely until the regime tells them what they should do next. They are completely shapeless, it is very sad. Having spent almost half a year in jail, I have come to understand that prison is just Russia in miniature.

One could also begin with the system of governance. This is that very same power vertical, in which every decision takes place solely through the direct intervention of the man in charge. There is absolutely no horizontal delegation of duties, which would make everyone’s lives noticeably easier. And there is a lack of individual initiative. Denunciation thrives along with mutual suspicion. In jail, as in our country as a whole, everything is designed to strip man of his individuality, to identify him only with his function, whether that function is that of a worker or a prisoner. The strict framework of the daily schedule in prison (you get used to it quickly) resembles the framework of daily life that everyone is born into.

In this framework, people begin to place high value on meaningless trifles. In prison these trifles are things like a tablecloth or plastic dishes that can only be procured with the personal permission of the head warden. Outside prison, accordingly, you have social status, which people also value a great deal. This has always been surprising to me. Another element [of this process] is becoming aware of this government functioning as a performance, a play. That in reality turns into chaos. The surface-level organization of the regime reveals the disorganization and inefficiency of most of its activities. And it’s obvious that this doesn’t lead to any real governance. On the contrary, people start to feel an ever-stronger sense of being lost—including in time and space. In jail and all over the country, people don’t know where to turn with this or that question. That’s why they turn to the boss of the jail. And outside the prison, correspondingly, they go to Putin, the top boss.

Expressing in a text a collective image of the system that . . . well, in general, I could say that we aren’t against . . . that we are against the Putin-engendered chaos, which can only superficially be called a government. Expressing a collective image of the system, in which, in our opinion, practically all the institutions are undergoing a kind of mutation, while still appearing nominally intact. And in which the civil society so dear to us is being destroyed. We are not making direct quotations in our texts; we only take the form of a direct quotation as an artistic formula. The only thing that’s the same is our motivation. Our motivation is the same motiviation that goes with the use of a direct quotation. This motivation is best expressed in the Gospels: “For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” [Matthew 7:8] I—all of us—sincerely believe that for us the door will be opened. But alas, for now the only thing that has happened is that we’ve been locked up in prison. It is very strange that in their reaction to our actions, the authorities completely disregard the historical experience of dissent. “[H]ow unfortunate is the country where simple honesty is understood, in the best case, as heroism. And in the worst case as a mental disorder,” the dissident [Vladimir] Bukovsky wrote in the 1970s. And even though it hasn’t been very long, now people are acting as if there was never any Great Terror nor any attempts to resist it. I believe that we are being accused by people without memory. Many of them have said, “He is possessed by a demon and insane. Why do you listen to Him?” These words belong to the Jews who accused Jesus Christ of blasphemy. They said, “We are . . . stoning you . . . for blasphemy.” [John 10:33] Interestingly enough, it is precisely this verse that the Russian Orthodox Church uses to express its opinion about blasphemy. This view is certified on paper, it’s attached to our criminal file. Expressing this opinion, the Russian Orthodox Church refers to the Gospels as static religious truth. The Gospels are no longer understood as revelation, which they have been from the very beginning, but rather as a monolithic chunk that can be disassembled into quotations to be shoved in wherever necessary—in any of its documents, for any of their purposes. The Russian Orthodox Church did not even bother to look up the context in which “blasphemy” is mentioned here—that in this case, the word applies to Jesus Christ himself. I think that religious truth should not be static, that it is essential to understand the instances and paths of spiritual development, the trials of a human being, his duplicity, his splintering. That for one’s self to form it is essential to experience these things. That you have to experience all these things in order to develop as a person. That religious truth is a process and not a finished product that can be shoved wherever and whenever. And all of these things I’ve been talking about, all of these processes—they acquire meaning in art and in philosophy. Including contemporary art. An artistic situation can and, in my opinion, must contain its own internal conflict. And what really irritates me is how the prosecution uses the words “so-called” in reference to contemporary art.

I would like to point out that very similar methods were used during the trial of the poet [Joseph] Brodsky. His poems were defined as “so-called” poems; the witnesses for the prosecution hadn’t actually read them—just as a number of the witnesses in our case didn’t see the performance itself and only watched the clip online. Our apologies, it seems, are also being defined by the collective prosecuting body as “so-called” apologies. Even though this is offensive. And I am overwhelmed with moral injury and psychological trauma. Because our apologies were sincere. I am sorry that so many words have been uttered and you all still haven’t understood this. Or it is calculated deviousness when you talk about our apologies as insincere. I don’t know what you still need to hear from us. But for me this trial is a “so-called” trial. And I am not afraid of you. I am not afraid of falsehood and fictitiousness, of sloppily disguised deception, in the verdict of the so-called court.

Because all you can deprive me of is “so-called” freedom. This is the only kind that exists in Russia. But nobody can take away my inner freedom. It lives in the word, it will go on living thanks to openness [glasnost], when this will be read and heard by thousands of people. This freedom goes on living with every person who is not indifferent, who hears us in this country. With everyone who found shards of the trial in themselves, like in previous times they found them in Franz Kafka and Guy Debord. I believe that I have honesty and openness, I thirst for the truth; and these things will make all of us just a little bit more free. We will see this yet.

—Translated by Marijeta Bozovic, Maksim Hanukai, and Sasha Senderovich

Nadezhda Tolokonnikova

By and large, the three members of Pussy Riot are not the ones on trial here. If we were, this event would hardly be so significant. This is a trial of the entire political system of the Russian Federation, which, to its great misfortune, enjoys quoting its own cruelty toward the individual, its indifference toward human honor and dignity, repeating all of the worst moments of Russian history. To my deep regret, this poor excuse for a judicial process approaches Stalin’s “troikas.” We too have only an interrogator, a judge, and a prosecutor. Furthermore, this repressive act is executed based on political orders from above that completely dictate the words, deeds, and decisions of these three judicial figures.

What was behind our performance at the Cathedral of Christ the Savior and the subsequent trial? Nothing other than the autocratic political system. Pussy Riot’s performances can either be called dissident art or political action that engages art forms. Either way, our performances are a kind of civic activity amidst the repressions of a corporate political system that directs its power against basic human rights and civil and political liberties. The young people who have been flayed by the systematic eradication of freedoms perpetrated through the aughts have now risen against the state. We were searching for real sincerity and simplicity, and we found these qualities in the yurodstvo [the holy foolishness] of punk.

Passion, total honesty, and naïveté are superior to the hypocrisy, mendacity, and false modesty that are used to disguise crime. The so-called leading figures of our state stand in the Cathedral with righteous faces on, but, in their cunning, their sin is greater than our own.

We put on political punk performances in response to a government that is rife with rigidity, reticence, and caste-like hierarchal structures. It is so clearly invested in serving only narrow corporate interests, it makes us sick just to breathe the Russian air. We categorically oppose the following, which forces us to act and live politically:

—the use of coercive and forceful methods for regulating social processes; a situation when the most important political institutions are the disciplinary structures of the state: the security agencies (the army, police, and secret services), and their corresponding means of ensuring political “stability” (prisons, pre-emptive detention, all the mechanisms of strict control over the citizenry);

—imposed civic passivity among the majority of the population,

—the complete dominance of the executive branch over the legislative and judicial.

Moreover, we are deeply frustrated by the scandalous dearth of political culture, which comes as the result of fear and that is kept down through the conscious efforts of the government and its servants (Patriarch Kirill: “Orthodox Christians do not attend rallies”); the scandalous weakness of the horizontal ties within society.

We do not like that the state so easily manipulates public opinion by means of its strict control over the majority of medial outlets (a particularly vivid example of this manipulation is the unprecedentedly insolent and distorted campaign against Pussy Riot appearing in practically every Russian media outlet).

Despite the fact that we find ourselves in an essentially authoritarian situation, living under authoritarian rule, I see this system crumbling in the face of three members of Pussy Riot. What the system anticipated did not occur; Russia does not condemn us, and with each passing day, more and more people believe in us and that we should be free, and not behind bars.

I see this in the people I meet. I meet people who work for the system, in its institutions, I see people who are incarcerated. Every day, I meet our supporters who wish us luck and, above all, freedom. They say what we did was justified. More and more people tell us that although they had doubts about whether we had the right to do what we did, with each passing day, more and more people tell us that time has shown that our political gesture was correct—that we opened the wounds of this political system, and struck directly at the hornet’s nest, so they came after us, but we. . . .

These people try to relieve our suffering as much they can, and we are very grateful to them. We are also grateful to everyone who speaks out in support of us on the outside. There are many supporters, and I know it. I know that a great number of Orthodox Christians speak out on our behalf, the ones who gather near the court in particular. They pray for us; they pray for the imprisoned members of Pussy Riot. We’ve seen the little booklets the Orthodox pass out containing prayers for the imprisoned. This fact alone demonstrates that there is no single, unified group of Orthodox believers, as the prosecutor would like to prove. This unified group does not exist. Today, more and more believers have come to the defense of Pussy Riot. They don’t think that what we did warrants a five-month term in a pretrial detention center, let alone three years in prison, as the prosecutor has called for.

Every day, more people understand that if the system is attacking three young women who performed in the Cathedral of Christ the Savior for thirty seconds with such vehemence, it only means that this system fears the truth, sincerity, and straightforwardness we represent. We have never used cunning during these proceedings. Meanwhile, our opponents are too often cunning, and people sense this. Indeed, the truth has an ontological, existential superiority over deception, and this is described in the Bible, particularly the Old Testament.

The paths of truth always triumph over the paths of cunning, guile, and deception. Every day, truth grows more victorious, despite the fact that we remain behind bars and will probably be here for a long time.

Yesterday, Madonna performed in Moscow with “Pussy Riot” written on her back. More and more people see that we are held here illegally, on false pretences. This amazes me. I am amazed that truth really does triumph over deception. Despite the fact that we are physically here, we are freer than everyone sitting across from us on the side of the prosecution. We can say anything we want and we say everything we want. The prosecution can only say what they are permitted to by political censorship. They can’t say “punk prayer,” “Our Lady, Chase Putin Out,” they can’t utter a single line of our punk prayer that deals with the political system.

Perhaps they think that it would be good to put us in prison because we speak out against Putin and his regime. They don’t say so, because they aren’t allowed to. Their mouths are sewn shut. Unfortunately, they are only here as dummies. But I hope they realize this and ultimately pursue the path of freedom, truth, and sincerity, because this path is superior to the path of complete stagnation, false modesty, and hypocrisy. Stagnation and the search for truth are always opposites, and in this case, in the course of this trial, we see on the one side people who attempt to know the truth, and on the other side people who are trying to fetter them.

A human being is a creature that is always in error, never perfect. She quests for wisdom, but cannot possess it; this is why philosophy was born. This is why the philosopher is the one who loves wisdom and yearns for it, but does not possess it. This is what ultimately calls a human being to action, to think and live in a certain way. It was our search for truth that led us to the Cathedral of Christ the Savior. I think that Christianity, as I understood it while studying the Old and especially the New Testament, supports the search for truth and a constant overcoming of oneself, the overcoming of what you were earlier. It was not in vain that when Christ was among the prostitutes, he said that those who falter should be helped; “I forgive them,” He said. I do not see this in our trial, which takes place under the banner of Christianity. Instead, it seems to me that the prosecution is trampling on religion.

The lawyers for the [official] “injured parties” are abandoning them—that is how I interpret it. Two days ago, [one of the “injured party”‘s lawyers] Alexei Taratukhin made a speech in which he insisted that it should be clear that under no circumstances should anyone assume that the lawyer agrees with the parties he represents. In other words, the lawyer finds himself in an ethically uncomfortable position and does not want to stand for the people who seek to imprison Pussy Riot. I don’t know why they want to put us in prison. Maybe they have the right to, but I want to emphasize that their lawyer seems to be ashamed. Perhaps he was affected by people shouting “Executioners! Shame on you!” I want to point out that truth and goodness always triumph over deception and malice. It also seems to me that prosecution attorneys are being influenced by some higher power, because time after time, they slip up and call us “the injured party.” Almost all of the lawyers have accidentally said this, and even prosecution attorney Larisa Pavlova, who is very negatively disposed toward us, nonetheless appears to be moved by some higher power when she refers to us as “the injured party.” She does not say this about those she represents, but about us.

I don’t want to label anyone. It seems to me that there are no winners, losers, victims, or defendants here. We all simply need to reach each other, connect, and establish a dialogue in order to seek out the truth together. Together, we can seek wisdom and be philosophers, instead of stigmatizing people and labeling them. That is the last thing a person should do. Christ condemned it. With this trial, the system is abusing us. Who would have thought that man and the state he rules could, again and again, perpetrate absolutely unmotivated evil? Who could have imagined that history, especially Stalin’s still-recent Great Terror, could fail to teach us anything? The medieval Inquisition methods that reign in the law enforcement and judicial systems of our country, the Russian Federation, are enough to make you weep. But from the moment of our arrest, we have stopped weeping. We have lost our ability to cry. We had desperately shouted at our punk concerts. With all our might, we decried the lawlessness of the authorities, the governing bodies. But now, our voices have been taken away. They were taken from us on March 3, 2012, when we were arrested. The following day, our voices and our votes were stolen from the millions at the so-called elections.

During the entire trial, people have refused to hear us. Hearing us would mean being receptive to what we say, being thoughtful, striving toward wisdom, being philosophers. I believe that every person should strive for this, and not only those who have studied in some philosophy department. A formal education means nothing, although prosecution attorney Pavlova constantly attempts to reproach us for our lack of education. We believe the most important thing is to strive, to strive towards knowledge and understanding. This is what a person can achieve independently, outside the walls of an educational institution. Regalia and scholarly degrees mean nothing. A person can possess a great deal of knowledge, but not be a human being. Pythagoras said extensive knowledge does not breed wisdom. Unfortunately, we are here to affirm that. We are here only as decorations, inanimate elements, mere bodies that have been delivered into the courtroom. When our motions, after many days of requests, negotiations and struggles are not given any consideration, they are always denied. Unfortunately for us and for our country, the court hears a prosecutor who constantly distorts our words and statements with impunity, neutering them. The foundational adversarial principle of the legal system is openly and demonstratively violated.

On July 30th, the first day of the trial, we presented our reaction to the prosecutors’ indictments. At that time, the court categorically refused us the right to speak, and our written texts were read aloud by our defense lawyer, Violetta Volkova. For us, this was the first opportunity we had to express ourselves after five months of incarceration. Until then we had been incarcerated, confined; we can’t do anything from there, we can’t write appeals, we can’t film what is happening around us, we have no Internet, our lawyer can’t even bring us papers because even that is forbidden. On July 30th, we spoke openly for the first time; we called for making contact and facilitating dialogue, not for battle and confrontation. We reached our hands out to the people who, for some reason, consider us their enemies, and they spat into our open hands. “You are not sincere,” they said to us. Too bad. Do not judge us according to your behavior. We spoke sincerely, as we always do—we said what we thought. We were unbelievably childlike, naïve in our truth, but nonetheless we are not sorry for our words, and this includes our words on that day. And having been maligned, we do not want to malign others in response. We are in desperate circumstances, but we do not despair. We are persecuted, but we have not been abandoned. It is easy to degrade and destroy people who are open, but “When I am weak, then I am strong.”

Listen to our words and not to what [pro-Putin television journalist] Arkady Mamontov says about us. Do not distort and falsify what we say. Allow us to enter into a dialogue, into contact with this country, which is also ours and not only the land of Putin and the Patriarch. Just like Solzhenitsyn, I believe that in the end the word will break cement. Solzhenitsyn wrote: “Thus, the word is more essential than cement. Thus, the word is not a small nothing. In this manner, noble people begin to grow, and their word will break cement.” [Solzhenitsyn, The First Circle]

Katya, Masha and I may be in prison, but I do not consider us defeated. Just as the dissidents were not defeated; although they disappeared into mental institutions and prisons, they pronounced their verdict upon the regime. The art of creating the image of an epoch does not know winners or losers. It was the same with the OBERIU poets, who remained artists until the end, inexplicable and incomprehensible. Purged in 1937, Alexander Vvedensky wrote, “The incomprehensible pleases us, the inexplicable is our friend.” According to the official death certificate, Aleksandr Vvedensky died on December 20th, 1941. No one knows the cause of death. It could have been dysentery on the train on the way to the camps; it could have been the bullet of a guard. It occurred somewhere on the railroad between Voronezh and Kazan.

Pussy Riot are Vvedensky’s students and heirs. His principle of the bad rhyme is dear to us. He wrote, “Occasionally, I think of two different rhymes, a good one and a bad one, and I always choose the bad one because it is always the right one.”

“The inexplicable is our friend”: the highbrow and refined works of the OBERIU poets and their search for thought on the edge of meaning were finally embodied when they paid with their lives, which were taken by the senseless and inexplicable Great Terror. Paying with their lives, these poets unintentionally proved that they were right to consider irrationality and senselessness the nerves of their era. Thus, the artistic became an historical fact. The price of participation in the creation of history is immeasurably great for the individual. But the essence of human existence lies precisely in this participation. To be a beggar, and yet to enrich others. To have nothing, but to possess all. One considers the OBERIU dissidents dead, but they are alive. They are punished, but they do not die.

Do you remember why young Dostoyevsky was sentenced to death? His entire guilt lay in the fact that he was fascinated by socialist theories, and during meetings of freethinkers and friends—which met on Fridays in the apartment of [Mikhail] Petrashevsky—he discussed the writings of Fourier and George Sand. On one of the last Fridays, he read Belinsky’s letter to Gogol aloud, a letter that was filled, according to the court that tried Dostoevsky (listen!) “with impudent statements against the Orthodox Church and the State government.” After all the preparations for execution and “ten agonizing, infinitely terrifying minutes awaiting death” (Dostoyevsky), it was announced that the sentence was changed to four years of hard labor in Siberia followed by military service.

Socrates was accused of corrupting the youth with his philosophical discussions and refusing to accept the Athenian gods. He had a living connection with the divine voice, and he was not, as he insisted many times, by any account an enemy of the gods. But what did that matter when Socrates irritated the influential citizens of his city with his critical, dialectical thought, free of prejudice? Socrates was sentenced to death and, having refused to escape Athens (as his students proposed), he courageously emptied a cup of hemlock and died. Have you forgotten under what circumstances Stephen, the disciple of the Apostles, concluded his earthly life? “Then they secretly induced men to say, ‘We have heard him speak blasphemous words against Moses and against God.’ And they stirred up the people, the elders and the scribes, and they came up to him and dragged him away and brought him before the Council. They put forward false witnesses who said, ‘This man incessantly speaks against this holy place and the Law.” [Acts 6:11-13] He was found guilty and stoned to death. I also hope that you all remember well how the Jews answered Christ: “It is not for good works that we are going to stone you but for blasphemy.” [John 10:33] And finally we would do well to keep in mind the following characterization of Christ: “He is demon-possessed and raving mad.” [John 10:20]

If the authorities, tsars, presidents, prime ministers, the people, and judges understood what “I desire mercy, not sacrifice” meant [Matthew 9:13], they would not put the innocent on trial.

Our authorities, however, still rush with condemnations, and never reprieves. To this point, I would like to thank Dmitry Anatolyevich Medvedev for providing us with the following excellent aphorism. He summarized his presidential term with the statement: “Liberty is better than non-liberty.” Thus in line with Medvedev’s apt words, Putin’s third term can well be characterized by the aphorism “Prison is better than stoning.” I ask that you consider carefully the following from Montaigne’s Essays, which were written in the 16th century, preaching tolerance and the skeptical rejection of any unilateral system or doctrine: “It is putting a very high value on one’s conjectures, to have a man roasted alive because of them.”

Is it worth it to pass judgment on living people and put them in prison based on conjectures not substantiated by the prosecution? Since we truly have never harbored any religious hatred or animosity, our accusers have to rely on false witnesses. One of them, Matilda Ivashchenko, became ashamed of herself and did not appear in court. Then there were the false testimonies of Mr. Troitsky and Mr. Ponkin, as well as Mrs. Abramenkova. There is no other proof of our hatred and animosity except for the so-called “expert evaluation,” which the court, if it is honest and fair, must consider unacceptable as factual proof, as it is not a rigorous and objective text but a dirty and false little paper reminiscent of the Inquisition. There is no other evidence that can confirm the existence of a motive. The prosecutors have refused to voice excerpts from Pussy Riot interviews, since these excerpts would only further prove the absence of any motive. Why wasn’t the following text by us—which, incidentally, appeared in the affidavit—presented by the prosecution? “We respect religion in general and the Orthodox faith in particular. This is why we are especially infuriated when Christian philosophy, which is full of light, is used in such a dirty fashion. It makes us sick to see such beautiful ideas forced to their knees.” This quote appeared in an interview that The Russian Reporter conducted with Pussy Riot the day after our performance. We still feel sick, and it causes us real pain to look at all this. Finally, the lack of any hatred or animosity toward religion and the religious is affirmed by all character witnesses called in to testify by our lawyers. Apart from all these character references, I ask you to consider the results of the psychological and psychiatric evaluations in jail number 6, ordered by the prison authorities. The report revealed the following: the values that I embrace are justice, mutual respect, humaneness, equality, and freedom.

This was written by a court expert, a person who does not know me personally, though it is possible that Ranchenko, the interrogator, desired a different conclusion. But it seems that there are more people in our world who love and value truth than those who don’t. The Bible is correct in this. In conclusion I would like to read the words of a Pussy Riot song, that, strange as they may be, proved prophetic. We foresaw that “the Head of the KGB and the Chief Saint of the land place the protesters under guard and take them to prison.” This was about us.

Neither myself, nor Alyokhina, nor Samutsevich were found to have powerful and stable affects or other psychological values that could be interpreted as hatred toward anything or anyone.


“Open all the doors, tear off your epaulets

Come, taste freedom with us.” [Pussy Riot]

That is all.

—Translated by Maria Corrigan and Elena Glazov-Corrigan.

—Translations edited by Liora Halperin, Katharine Holt, Vera Koshkina, Ainsley Morse, Rebecca Pyatkevich, Sasha Senderovich, and Bela Shayevich.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Morals vs. Morsels Press

I'm on a bus heading to NYC. Some things I'm thinking about:

I love that my mom writes emails like poems: her subject headings blend right into the first sentence of each note. Does she know that's so postmodern? Does she?


Think I might go to a UCB show tonight with XG & EH. My bags are getting heavier & heavier & now I'm afraid to get off the bus & lug them to freakin' Williamsburg. Freakin'.


Are you talkin' 'bout your fall syllabus?

Stop it.

I mean, don't stop. Do what you gotta do.


Because I read the two New Yorkers I brought with me & have not been reading the academic books I packed, I bought ELLE. Which basically makes me want to own things I never ever wanted before. And because now I want to own things, I also want a job that actually pays me money. My values are slowly slipping away the longer I stay away from Denver.

Get Up Press

One of my favorite journals, Lana Turner:

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Old Age Home Press

I saw this today:
And fell in love with Caillebotte:
Look how playful he is!:
Can you see the wet footprints?


3 reasons I love hanging out with my grandma & why I'll be sad when I leave her tomorrow:
1. She calls silent films, "sound proof"
2. She just told me her first car was a tan Chevy convertible.
3. She said this of a Renoir painting today, "It's so beautiful I could cry."

Pretty good, Grams, pretty good.


Tomorrow I head to NY. Watch out foolsies.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Spook It Up Press

My friend & awesome musician Alexis Gideon has updated his website, check it check it:


I'm in RI visiting my grandma, Spook. Tonight we discussed Paul Ryan & how we have to believe Obama has a real chance at re-election. I love my grandma. Although she made me eat desert & now I feel so full.


Since I'm chillin' at this old age home w/ wifi I looked at for the first time in a year & am baffled by some of the tv show names: Bunheads? I'm Having Their Baby? I Hate My Kitchen? And one show I'd totally watch in a parallel universe: Beverly Hills Nannies.


There are so many things up in the air I feel weirdly good about!

Although the one thing I do not feel good about at all is how soon the new academic job postings go up. I thought I had more time! September is going to be consumed.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Ciao Ciao Press

I don't have the cord to upload any of my photos, but here are four courtesy of SG:
In Positano, Italy:
Less dignified, more monkey-in-the-middle leaping:
The Amalfi coast:
Ah, one of my breakfasts, can you see the blackberry buffalo yogurt peeking out?:

Friday, August 10, 2012

Hey Monkey, Why You Always In The Middle Press

I'm leaving Italy in a few hours. So, a few most memorable moments (I'm writing this in a rush since I still need to pack, so apologies for cutting & pasting 1 of these from a personal email):

1. This whole week people have been playing "monkey in the middle" with ripe lemons that have fallen off of the orchard around the pool. I thought, honestly, they were being silly & loud. Then, I got roped into playing this afternoon while trying to swim laps. And for about 2 hours played MITM like a 5 year old. Did you know a good strategy is distracting the lemon-thrower with ridiculous dance moves & animal-behavior-imitations? Neither did I, but it works. Plus, you get to call your friends "monkey."

2. Driving on the Amalfi coast. I've never before been in a car when everyone suddenly screams together. Apparently this can happen when you're zooming around a tight curve & a giant bus tries to knock you into the ocean. Such winding roads, sharp cliffs, expansive sea.

3. I went into a lemon orchard by myself & for about three consecutive breaths the air had the scent of the ripest lemon mixed with the scent of all the fallen, decomposing lemons that scattered the ground. It was so sweet & earthy. I didn't want to move & lose the scent but it faded anyways.

4. Trying buffalo yogurt. Then eating buffalo yogurt every day for breakfast with fresh fruit.

5. Hanging my laundry out to dry on the roof.

6. Descending INSIDE a dark cliff in order to find the ocean hundreds of feet below, then emerging to waves & breezes.

I feel incredibly blessed. Photos to come. See you stateside.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Lemons Are Light Bulbs Press

Today I ate fruit & yogurt & then went to Pompeii. It's weird to face Pompeii & see the docks to which citizens tied their boats, with grass growing where the tide once was, & realize that you're standing where the sea once was. And you're standing on a hill. But now the see has been pushed further back, by ash & tsunamis.

Then I came back & listened to this song:

Slightly corny but then it saves itself.

And then this song:

Arthur Russell, man, he kills me:

Lizards jump out of my way when I'm on an island you can only get to by train. When the sky is white it's milk. I feel guilty when occasionally I desire a more glamorous life.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Miniature Shampoo Press

Two flights & four train rides later, I've made it to San'Angello, Italy. The villa is, of course, beautiful, i.e. there are ripe lemons dangling over the aqua pool, grape vines hanging over the wooden fences, & I'm currently downloading the new Gaza album (excited to listen to the song, "Skull Trophy"). I feel very grateful to have been invited here. Now I need to finish this dang book review that's been plaguing me for two months. Then I'm going to meander into town & explore a bit.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Heel Toe Heel Toe Press

I went to help JD pick out shoes for a wedding & ended up getting the craziest heels I've ever slipped on my feet. JD took 2 photos, you can see them below but also, JD's blog is awesome so you should read it:
Can you believe? How do I walk in them? So far, I can only stand. I need to learn how to appear places without having to walk so that I can wear these.

I'm flying to Italy today. My flights got kinda wonky so instead of meeting up with people, I have to find my own way from Rome to a few train rides outside of Naples. I'm a little worried because I only speak English & delinquent Spanish, so. But I'm hoping if I point at a piece of paper with train routes & smile, people will take mercy on me. I'm going to spend the flight practicing my smile. Right now it's a snarl.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Diagram Your Face with Violets Press

Tomorrow I head to Italy for a week, & then I'm going to eff up the east coast in this order: MA, RI, NY, PA, DC. Get ready. And by "get ready" I mean you can't prepare for this, but I suggest you think about: giving a cloud a fauxhawk, poems that curdle in the blood of vikings, & sugar cubes. Now think about those 3 things in a boxing ring. Now dip them in gold. Now that's what's gunna happen.

It's 11:15pm & need to pack. Basically I'm packing for a month & am narrowing it down to: 1) sundresses, 2) sandals, 3) books on Objectivist Poets, 4) back issues of the New Yorker I'm behind on reading, 5) my computer, 6) moisturizer , 7) camera.

Okay, I need to fill a suitcase. Sleep well. Dukes up.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

A Hummingbird Can't Haul Press

For the month of August, my book Triggermoon Triggermoon is on sale (only 10 bucks instead of 14):
It looks like this:
Go snag it. Go!

I read Niedecker's Paean to Place again this week. Here are some lines you probably cannot live without:

Water lily mud
My life


in swale and swamp and sworn
to water


spoon-tapped waterglass


before summer hum
To be counted on:
new leaves
new dead


A hummingbird
can’t haul


I'm going to JW's improv show tonight!


My mom gave me a necklace & it looks like this:
Thanks, Mom!


Also, I've been wearing my hair up, not sure if that's a good thing: