Thursday was my last day of PhD classes. Did I already gloat about this? Can I? Well, I feel relieved. I worked my *ss off this year. "For realsies." I lost at poker last night. Although here is the thing, by the time I was taken down, OS had bought back in 4 times, and NEG and DR had bought back in once. So I don't feel too bad about it.
Since moving into my own apartment, I've been thinking a lot sound. I mean, human sound. Particularly because when my dog stays with me, I think he is used to hearing my conversations with M. And now that those don't exist, I realize that the dog might be a little lonely. So now I talk directly to D'Count occasionally and he seems to perk up. I forgot that even though he's a dog, he still likes to hear my voice. Also, I've been noticing the few times where I end up saying things out loud although I'm the only one in the apartment. This actually ONLY happens when I'm in the shower and the temperature changes wildly (usually to freezing cold without any warning). And then I yelp and say, "F*ckers!" or "AHH." Why do we say things outloud to ourselves? Habit? Because we hope we'll be overheard?
I overheard a phone conversation today when walking D'Count in which a man on the phone said, "Today is going to be a day I don't remember." Is that because he was planning to get wasted? Or because he was planning to have it be uneventful?
I have also been thinking about Stein and feelings:
The thing about Gertrude Stein is that often people forget that she is mostly concerned with feelings. They see her work as conceptual, removed. Yet, she attempts to place her feelings at the center of her writing, which reminds us that those raw reactions are not necessarily straightforward. I think what she offers us is more genuine, because she’s not translating it into a coherent narrative, it is more unfiltered than most literature. She explains:
“The thing that is important is the way that portraits of men and women and children are written, by written I mean made. And by made I meant felt.”-165, from “Portraits and Repetition”
“I am trying not to give to myself but to you a feeling of the way English literature feels inside me.”-17, from “What Is English Literature”
‘You must remember each time I took something, I said, I have got to satisfy each realistic thing I feel about it. Looking at your shoe, for instance, I would try and make a complete realistic picture of your shoe. It is devilishly difficult and needs perfect concentration, you have to refuse so much and so much intrudes itself upon you that you do not want it, it is exhausting work.”-29, from “A Transatlantic Interview 1946”