Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Baby Banjo Press

Today someone sent me the link to this twitter feed. I have never read a twitter feed before, but I have a feeling this is the best one out there:

Bio: I'm 28. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he say: http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."1:07 PM Aug 23rd from web

"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."11:15 AM Aug 22nd from web

"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."8:57 AM Aug 21st from web

"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."9:35 AM Aug 20th from web

"Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices... Jesus, Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn't even real dammit!"9:28 AM Aug 19th from web

"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog."10:43 AM Aug 18th from web

"They serve Jim Beam on airplanes. Tastes like piss. You wouldn't be able to tell the difference, because you drink shit. I don't."9:23 AM Aug 17th from web

"My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up."2:42 PM Aug 15th from web

"It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit."9:56 AM Aug 14th from web

(left on answering machine) "Hello? Hello? It's Sam. Anyone there? Nobody checks this god damned thing. HELLO?! HELLO?! Screw it."8:46 AM Aug 12th from web

"Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think."10:22 AM Aug 11th from web

If your brother comes by, tell him I'm on vacation. I already told him that, but who knows with that guy. Are you listening to me? Fuck.9:51 AM Aug 11th from web

Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer.9:33 AM Aug 7th from web

"Jesus it's hot in here? Right? No? It's fucking hot, you people looking at me like i'm crazy. You're crazy."9:41 AM Aug 6th from web

"When I used to live in Los Angeles, I used to step in human feces a lot."9:13 AM Aug 5th from web

"The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside."9:59 AM Aug 4th from web

"I didn't live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale. Don't fix me your breakfast and pretend you're fixing mine."

***

Elisabeth drove me (and da Count) to Roosevelt National Park yesterday and we saw a stream. It was a beautiful stream:



Thank you for driving, E.

1 comment:

Sommer said...

that twitter dad is the best.