Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Androgynous, Expressionless, & Way Too Flexible Press

On my way back from Mexico, my seat-neighbor was intently reading Sky Mall(you know, the product placement magazine that is propped in front of your seat with the barf bag). She was so invested in circling items that I took mine out to see what she could possibly want to buy. I hope to meet & fall in love with the person that made up the names of these products. And by "fall in love with," I mean "mock ruthlessly." These were the items, ohmyword, I just could not live without once I knew they existed:

The Easiest to Fly Remote Control Flying Saucer (99.954)

The Children's ATM Bank (29.95)

The Always Current Talking Globe (179.97)

The Million Germ Eliminating Travel Toothbrush Sanitizer (29.95)

The Upside-Down Tomato Garden (79.95)

The In-Door Dog Restroom (149.95)

The Animated Emotive Robotic Companion (299.95)

The Carbon Fiber Heated Vest (149.95, jacket 179.95)

The Marshmallow Shooter (24.95)

The Hypnotic Jellyfish Aquarium (69.95)

The Remote Controlled Flying Pterosaur (59.95)

The Gravity-Defying Boots (129.95)

The Pocket Saxophone (99.95)

I love how they all have 1-3 adjectives too many in their names.

It's snowing like static like how my brain feels.

Come to Rhode Island and celebrate the new year with me if you're in the mood to drive here...


Robert said...

The Easiest to Fly Saltgrass Delivering Remote Control Flying Saucer. (I bet it would boost circulation)

Maximum Etc said...

the consumer has a right to know if their jellyfish aquarium is going to be hypnotic or not.

Mathias Svalina said...

I want the The Easiest to Fly Remote Control Flying Saucer but I need to borrow four one-thousandths of a dollar coins.