Monday, April 30, 2007

Eating Take-Out Is Better Than Paying The Gas Bill Press

"The Proletariat" by Goodle Image:

The implication that Google Image is conveying would be that potato chips are for the lower social class, I would asssume.

Let's Take A Moment To Talk About the Royal Family:

Personally, I am not even .0001% invested in whether Prince William marries or breaks up with Kate. It worries me that I know Prince Williams now ex-girlfriend's name, but at a certain point, you just have to give into the fact that information like this takes up some brain space. Anyways, what I'm interested in is their LOOKS, obviously. With so much media attention these days and the many different ways in which media bitch-slaps us in the face, I assume that royalty feels an increased pressure not necessarily to date someone of royal blood, but to date someone super rich and who looks attractive. Now attractiveness in the royal family used not to be such a big deal considering the focus was on keeping land/affluence/power within the family. Thus, inbreading. So, my question really is: If in the present day, the next two generations of UK royalty were incredibly ugly, would people still care as much about them?

Now I'm going to give you some info on Charles II, who was too mentally challenged to function or procreate:

Charles II is known in Spanish history as El Hechizado ("The Bewitched") from the popular belief — to which Charles himself subscribed — that his physical and mental disabilities were caused by "sorcery" rather than the much more likely cause: centuries of inbreeding within the Habsburg dynasty (in which first cousin and uncle/niece matches were commonly used to preserve a prosperous family's hold on its multifarious territories). Charles' own immediate pedigree was exceptionally populated with nieces giving birth to children of their uncles: Charles' mother was niece of Charles' father, being daughter of Maria Ana of Spain (1606-46) and Emperor Ferdinand III. Thus, Empress Maria Anna was simultaneously his aunt and grandmother. Still, the king was exorcised, and the exorcists of the kingdom were called upon to put straight questions to the devils they cast out. His great-great-great grandmother, Joanna I, (Joanna the Mad), mother of the Spanish King Charles I who was also Holy Roman Emperor Charles V — became completely insane early in life; the fear of a taint of insanity ran through the Habsburgs. Charles descended from Joanna a total of 14 times — twice as a great-great-great grandson, and 12 times further.

The rumor is that Charles II's nose actually decended down to his chin and that his tongue was so enlarged no one could understand what he was saying. So basically, this painting is like a Seriously airbrushed cover of Vogue.

He has really sad eyes, doesn't he? Jesus.

Better Than A Colonoscopy Press

I exorcised my apartment this weekend, which entailed: 2 mops (they were low budge), sweaping, scrubbing, an entire roll of paper towels, bleach, and looking forlornly at a broken dirt devil. When I walk into the apartment it is airy and neat. You would come over to hang out and say sincerely, "Hey, nice place." Believe it.
I am on the look out for a really comfortable chair.

"Emotionally Unavailable" by Google Image:

Emotionally Unavilable II" by Google Image:

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Living Up To The Hype Press

When I am dehydrated, sometimes I convince myself that Sprite is just like water: it is a clear liquid and thus, shall purify and replenish my body. In reality, obviously, the carbonation is stripping my bones of calcium and all the crap that goes into making Sprite taste more delicious than water, is in no way helping my body be good to itself. Sad.
"Things That Look Like Water" by Google Image:

I'm going to be honest, this image actually terrifies me.

"Existential Crisis" by Google Image:

I think this is a tupperware bowl full of crackers and raisons. But to google, it is an existential crisis.
"Existential Crisis II" by Google Image:

I saw the French film Avenue Montaigne tonight (see image below). You might know the lead actress from the movie Haute Tension, in which she plays a delusional French lesbian psycho-killer. I spent 1/2 the movie trying to figure out why she looked familiar and then the other 1/2 laughing to myself because, well, you should see Haute Tension (I think in America it was released under the title High Tension or High Velocity). But anyways, I enjoyed the film because I did grow affectionate towards almost all of the characters. However, this would also lead me to believe it was Cheesy. I'm pretty sure that if this movie was in English, it would have been too sappy to tolerate- but somehow the foreignness of the film minimized this. I think this might be the French equivalent of "Love, Actually."

Friday, April 27, 2007

Why Is There A Creepy Guy Standing Behind You Press

So, what does google image think an American is?:

American by Google:

American by Google:

Serena Williams has seriously intimidating thighs. I may just have to talk about this in greater detail later. But you know how body builders have arms that can't rest at their sides any more because their muscles are too bulky? Well, it's like that but they are Serena's thighs. Tennis Thigh.

Anyways, I'm supposed to spread the word about the new issue of Coconut that I'm in.
Go read it:

"Coconut 8, featuring wonderful new poems by Amy Gerstler, Melissa Koosmann, Rodrigo Toscano, Sara Veglahn, Max Winter, Julia Cohen, Donald Illich, Jill Alexander Essbaum, Denise Duhamel, Kate Schapira, Ray Succre, Anne Heide, Kaya Oakes, Sandy Florian, Sandra Beasley, Nick Carbo, Becca Klaver, PF Potvin, Dawn Pendergast, Ken Rumble, Eddie Watkins, and Amy King."

I like Ken Rumble's poems. Usually this style isn't something I normally respond to, but he has great phrases/word choices, like:

honey lapper

steady pilot

Anyways, it's boots weather. Bye.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Compromised Empire Press

I think everyday I'll google a philosophical concept or religion and show you the top result. This is Determinism by Google:

I like the bowl cut:

When I was 19, I cut my hair too many times myself and my mom got worried it was a cry for help, not just a money saving technique one might chose to utilize while living in Middletown Connecticut with less than appealing barber shops, and asked me if I was "ok."

I like to give myself fake mohawks when I'm in the shower. I never sing. But I mohawk every so often.

Last night at 1am the shower curtain came crashing down in the bathroom. It sounded like it came from the kitchen, like our stove fell on someone. But no, it was the shower curtain. It basically jumped out of the shower and threw itself against the door. I really have no idea how it got so far from the confines of the bathtub basin, but in the process it took down the hanging basket thing people use to put their soap and shampoo etc in. This was sprawled on the shower floor like a broken body fallen from the 10th floor. And guess where my hair conditioner landed? Yup, in the toilet. I spent like 10 minutes trying to figure out what kitchen utensil I was going to sacrifice in order to pluck it out of the toilet.

Sorry, I'm about to bust out Ann Lauterbach poems on you and show you all these lines that will make your heart explode in interesting and new ways, but right now you'll just have to hold tight.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Rising from Obscurity Dressed to Impress Press

When I was doing my poetry thesis in 04, there was a two week period that I became completely obsessed with anagrams. I stopped writing poetry and basically anagrammed the name of everyone I knew. It becomes slightly addicting to find an anagram that fits the person perfectly. Anyways, I still love anagrams but not in any creepy way. The best part about it was that many of the weird phrases made it into poems, disguised. In a much milder form, Google image search creates the same sort of fascination- you plug in a name or concept and see what images come up (yes, i know this is an old game, but I'm new to this form of procrastination). I did a basic google search for "Jew" and "Christian" and these images came up on the first page:

Jew by Google:

Jew by Google:

Jew by Google:

Christian by Google:

Christian by Google:

or check out Nihilism by Google:

I think the Christians lose this round.
I do not think, though, I will be puting these images in any poems...
Imagine if children could only learn about the world through google searching images of words and concepts...

You Smell Like Babysnakes Press

My back/shoulders got sunburned on Monday. "Ouch" and/or "Yes, it's summer!"

I went to the Linh Dinh and Michael Earl Craig reading. I think MEC endeared himself to everyone in the audience. I think LD may have had the opposite effect.

Moving right along. I'm going to some show at the Sidewalk Cafe this Thursday. This is good because I haven't been to a music show in a while and it's a friend's friend's band- which means it will most likely be mediocre but full of energy and air pumping fists. I'm looking forward to the air pumping fists.

And Friday:

David Lehman, Elaine Equi, and Mairead Byrne

Friday, April 27th
7 PM

Stain Bar
766 Grand Street
(L train to Grand Street stop, walk 1 block west)

"Come along for the ride."

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Puppy-Hater Press

Oh Dear, look what happened today:

News Heading: "Man in puppy, boa cruelty case fails to show up for sentencing"

The Arizona Republic
Apr. 24, 2007 11:15 AM

A Glendale man, who has pleaded guilty to coating his 3-week-old puppy in cooking oil and feeding it live to an 8-foot long pet boa, did not show up for his sentencing hearing Tuesday.

Joseph E. Beadle, 40, was supposed to be sentenced in Maricopa County Superior Court at 9:15 a.m. He was being sentenced on one count of animal cruelty. The commissioner extended the hearing until 11 a.m., but Beadle still did not arrive. Commissioner Frank Johnson has issued a warrant for Beadle's arrest.

Initially, prosecutor Anthony Church requested a $500 bail for Beadle upon his arrest. However, Johnson raised the bail amount to $5,000 in cash only, because “due to the nature of the case, the request [for bail] was too low.”

Beadle's defense attorney Gerald Bradley said he did not know of his client's whereabouts.

Reports say that Beadle fed a mix-breed puppy to the snake as two 15-year-old boys watched.

Kim Noetzel, Spokesperson for the Animal Humane Society, said that the boys saw the snake bite the puppy, coil around the dog and begin to suffocate it.

“One of the boys said he could actually hear the bones breaking,” she said.

At that point, reports say that Beadle then removed the puppy from the snakes grasp, and poured cooking oil on it, so it would be “easier to swallow.” It is unclear at what point the puppy died during the ordeal.

Investigators of the incident found that the snake was also a victim of neglect. The Red-tailed boa was several inches shorter then it should have been due to malnutrition. The snake was removed from the home and is now in the care of the Arizona Herpetological Society.

“The snake was doing what any hungry snake would do,” Noetzel said.

It is obvious that the judge understands the severity of the case because he raised the bond amount for Beadle, she said.

Last week, the Animal Humane Society released a list of their 100 worst cases of animal cruelty in 2006. Arizona cases landed three spots on the list.

Noetzel said she thought the Beadle case “would be right up there.”

“And what disturbs me even more,” she added, “Is that is actually pretty average of what we see on almost a daily basis.”

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Down with Samuel Alito Press

-Guess who the swing vote was?
-Guess what the larger implications are?:

Court Ruling Catapults Abortion Back Into ’08 Race

WASHINGTON, April 18 — Both sides in the abortion struggle predicted that the Supreme Court’s decision on Wednesday would escalate the drive for new abortion restrictions in state legislatures and push the issue of abortion rights — and the Supreme Court — squarely into the 2008 presidential election.

The decision was a major victory for social conservatives, a validation of their decade-long strategy of pushing for step-by-step restrictions on abortion while working to change the composition of the Supreme Court.

“This decision is a powerful and timely reminder of the enormous significance of presidential elections and their pivotal impact on the makeup of the Supreme Court,” said Richard Land, president of the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission, the public policy arm of the Southern Baptist Convention.

“Thank God for President Bush,” Mr. Land said, “and thank God for Chief Justice John Roberts and Associate Justice Samuel Alito.”

Clarke D. Forsythe, president of Americans United for Life, said the decision would restore power to the states and make it easier to enact “common-sense regulations” on abortion. The “partial-birth” ban, aimed at a type of abortion known medically as intact dilation and extraction, was the product of years of effort by abortion opponents in states and on Capitol Hill. The legislation was twice vetoed by President Bill Clinton and, in a previous version, ruled unconstitutional by a different makeup of the Supreme Court.

Abortion rights advocates said they were shaken by the 5-to-4 ruling upholding the ban and asserted that the ruling cut to the heart of the protections of Roe v. Wade, the 1973 decision recognizing a constitutional right to abortion. They said it also underscored the stakes of the 2008 presidential election, arguing that the next president will almost certainly appoint a justice who could shift the balance of the court on Roe itself.

Abortion rights supporters clearly hoped for a replay of the abortion politics of the late 1980s, when the majority for Roe was also considered uncertain, mobilizing advocates into a more potent political force.

“Until this decision, I think a lot of people were skeptical about whether Roe could be overturned,” said Cecile Richards, president of Planned Parenthood Federation of America. “But there clearly is no longer a presumption that women’s health will be protected by the courts.”

The reaction from the presidential candidates was quick and along party lines, and largely seemed aimed at their party’s base, which frames primary elections.

Republicans, who have worked hard to court conservatives opposed to abortion, hailed the decision as a long overdue stand against an “unacceptable and unjustifiable practice,” as Senator John McCain of Arizona, put it. “It also clearly speaks to the importance of nominating and confirming strict constructionist judges who interpret the law as it is written, and do not usurp the authority of Congress and state legislatures,” he added.

Rudolph W. Giuliani, the Republican former mayor of New York and a longtime supporter of abortion rights, said the court “reached the correct conclusion."

Democrats denounced the decision as an “alarming” retreat from years of Supreme Court precedent safeguarding women’s health, in the words of Senator Barack Obama, Democrat of Illinois.

“I strongly disagree with today’s Supreme Court ruling, which dramatically departs from previous precedents safeguarding the health of pregnant women,” Mr. Obama added.

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, Democrat of New York, also described the decision as “a dramatic departure from four decades of Supreme Court rulings that upheld a woman’s right to choose and recognized the importance of women’s health.”

The reaction among independent and moderate voters will be closely watched.

Until now, even some elected officials who supported abortion rights were uncomfortable dealing with the procedure singled out in the 2003 law. . Abortion opponents considered the legislation a valuable teaching tool to highlight what they asserted was the extraordinary reach of the Roe decision. On final passage in the Senate in 2003, 17 Democrats joined with 47 Republicans to support the ban.

But some Democrats said this new court decision could change the political landscape, just as the Terri Schiavo right-to-die case did, by striking moderates as an unwarranted government intrusion into medical decisions.

On Capitol Hill, Democratic abortion rights leaders vowed to push for legislation that would codify the Roe decision, a long-sought goal of liberals. But activists on both sides said that was an uphill battle.

Senator Barbara Boxer, Democrat of California and a staunch supporter of abortion rights, said she planned to reintroduce that legislation. But she acknowledged, “We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

Did Your Clubbed Foot Club That Seal, Darling? Press

All I'm asking is that someone make me an emoticon of "rock on."

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Telenovela Press

Remember how I said I would try and charm your pants off into coming to MA for my poetry reading (May 5th)? Well, maybe not "off." And maybe not "charm." But I'm still going to give you more reasons to come:

One being that Mathias Svalina has joined the roster of readers as well as Bronwen Tate (along with Torres and me).
[Side note: Mathias, were kids mean to you when you were little and called you Mathias "Saliva" (because saliva is gross but also composed from letters in your last name- and little kids like to make fun of last names that do not sound "American")? If not, I think we should call you that now and retro-actively mess up yuor childhood.]

Two being that I want to get everyone I know to come bowling with me on Saturday afternoon, before the reading. There is this one bowling alley off the highway that I used to be forced to go to with my guy friends from high school. They always drove and so therefore if bowling was the destination, even if I said "help help let me out of the car" I found myself bowling or playing pool. This is also how I ended up at a lot of trailer trash parties. Mom, bet you didn't know that. Anyways, it will be fun.

Three being Lincoln, where I am from, has the Gropius House:

Walter Gropius:

Did you know:
Walter Gropius (1883-1969) was a celebrated German architect and teacher, founder of the school of design known as the Bauhaus in Germany, and a leading proponent of modern architecture. This house was his first architectural commission in the United States, built in 1938 as his family home after coming here to teach at Harvard's Graduate School of Design. This was Walter Gropius's home from 1938 until his death in 1969.
Restoration of the Gropius House is being supported in part by a Save America's Treasures grant administered by the National Park Service, Department of the Interior. The project encompasses repairs to the south and west elevations and replanting of the orchard and meadow. The Gropius House is a National Historic Landmark.

Anyways, this Friday Jessica Dressner is reading at Earshot (Brooklyn). You should come.

Also, I'm taking a consensus: Does everyone hate the Keyspan Gas Company as much as I do? I'm going to give you my little shpeeeel on why they are terrible:
People who have their gas taken away are either confused (my household was in this category) or probably too poor to pay their bills. Then, does it make sense that the only time they can come to re-install the gas meter is 8am-5pm Monday through Friday? I would assume that if people do not have enough money to pay their bill, they cannot afford to take time off of work and wait around for the Gasman to come. Additionally, the appointments they make are from either 8am-1pm or 1pm-5pm. Do you understand what this means? It means that they will drop by anytime between 8am-1pm. That is a HUGE chunk of time. Even adding to this mess, is the fact that they do not come on time. It is beyond me how they managed to arrive late to a 5 hour window of an appointment. You have 5 hours to NOT be late.

This means that I have had to reschedule the appointment 3 times and am staying home on Friday until the Gasman rings my bell and puts back our gasmeter. I would personally boycott the company and only order take out but my roommate likes to cook her healthy, wholesome delicious organic food, and I respect this. This means I might get arrested for knocking out the gasman when he comes, though. Dukes up, Keyspan.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Dinky Little Southern Press Press

Bad day: Keystone Gas Company + old Landord + miscommunication with roommates/[things about said situation that make me go "*%$@#$%%$$"] = 3rd week of no gas in the household ---> increased levels of stress and time spent on Hold listing to musak.

Well, there are always baby sloths:

Sunday, April 15, 2007

a capella sucks Press

It's pouring out and I left Brooklyn to go to the city and since I'm wearing a wool sweater I now smell like a lamb.

This is what it looks like outside my office window.

This image came up when I searched for "downpour." Her facial expression is the opposite of how today looks. If I ever make that face, whack me.

Which reminds me, I was almost hit by a hearse today while crossing the street. I really hope I do not die in some terribly ironic way. Close call. The hearse got my pants all wet.

I woke up this morning and realized that my window was open a bit so my cactus got a tad flooded and the chapbooks I had stacked there were in danger. And then I spotted Elisa Gabbert's "Thanks for Sending the Engine" (Kitchen Press 07). Which brings me to how much I enjoyed this chapbook. If you don't know what Elisa looks like, she is very adorable and pretty, and then she busts out with her sailor mouth humor and it's kind of awesome. Anyways, I didn't know what to expect, but her collection has both very acerbic, cutting lines that are hyper-conscious of our confused symbiotic/parasitic relationship to technology, and also some "it hurts so good"/truth lines. What is interesting about Gabbert's poems is her awareness of tone and how we hide behind it. It's easier to say what we really want and need when we say it in a way that sounds like a shrug, a half-joke.

I particularly liked these:

Reading my biography was like pulling the legs off a dead millipede.

Do not be afraid of angering the birds. What angers the birds is fear.

I'm not seduced by death, just death's techniques-- the way it lets me let it buy me a drink. Then drives me home with the lights off, in stealth mode.

My pet, the statistics are against us.

I desperately want you to notice me without me having to exert much effort to make you do so.

I stared so long at the water it didn't look wet anymore.
I waited so long to be saved
I forgot what I was saved for.
Why I was waving my hands.
Sometimes I thought I loved this island.
I ate some sand.
I kissed the land like a man saved.
I remembered a story about a man who ate an airplane.
Sometimes things washed up onto the shore.
An umbrella. A crate.
Everything that arrived I partially ate.

This image came up when I googled the title of Gabbert's chapbook. Well, it's not the cover, but I think it's fitting.

Tonight I'll have dinner with an old friend. Today everything I'll say will be in someone else's fortune cookie.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Landanimals Should Be One Word Press

Last night I went to this:

Friday, April 13th, 7PM

e-book publisher Bear Parade's first reading!
Contributors Matthew Rohrer, Tao Lin, Ellen Kennedy, Noah Cicero, and founder/designer/editor Gene Morgan will read.
Hosted by Justin Taylor.

Good crowd.

And even though I was wearing I'm-Out-For-The-Night clothing, I left after the reading and watched three episodes of Extras with MF. Dude, the show is funny but pretty uncomfortable. There was one scene with Samuel L. Jackson where I actually left the room because it made me so squirmy. MF stayed on the couch laughing the whole time, kudos. I recommend it though- but each disk has 3 episodes and the first is always funniest.

Sunday Mark Bibbins reads at Zinc @7pm. Go Mark.

By the end of today we should have the Saltgrass journal website up and running. Mind you, it's a print journal so the website is basically to enable you to see the TOC, a few sample poems, and buy the journal. Buy it soon. It will make you laugh with joy on the outside and cry with insane lust on the inside. Then you will promptly buy 10 more issues to give to your friends and submit your own work. You will never fully recover from the experience but that isn't a bad thing.

I'm Partial to Sloths.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Don't Put My Lumpy Sugar Baby In Your Coffee Press

Babies Who Won't Know If They Look Like Their Mother Because Their Mother Has Had Too Much Face/Boob Surgery Are Sad Babies

Tori Spelling just had a baby boy. Her baby will never know if he looks like his mom because Tori has had so much surgery she doesn't look like herself. Or a real person. That's kind of sad.

Ok, that was my World News Update.

No it wasn't.

Amy King has her book release party tomorrow. I want to go but I may be too busy figuring out how to do a blogspot for my print journal soon to come out.
Book Release Party for I'M THE MAN WHO LOVES YOU (Blazevox 2007)

Amy King lives in Brooklyn, NY, and is the author of the poetry collections, I'M THE MAN WHO LOVES YOU (BlazeVOX Books, 2007), ANTIDOTES FOR AN ALIBI (BlazeVOX Books, 2005), and THE PEOPLE INSTRUMENTS (Pavement Saw Press, 2003). E-Books are available through Duration Press and Dusie Press online. Amy teaches Creative Writing and English at SUNY Nassau Community College and has also taught a workshop of her own design, "Making the Urban Poetic" at Poets House in Manhattan. Amy is the editor-in-chief for the literary arts journal, MiPOesias, and an interview correspondent for miPOradio. Her poems have been nominated for several Pushcart Prizes, and she has been the recipient of a MacArthur Scholarship for Poetry.

Matthew Everett is a writer, musician and graduate student in the MFA program at the New School. His preoccupations include death, relativity, the mutability of personalities and the difficulty of meaning. Matt has two chapbooks available for purchase, From Out, a collection of poems, and Unredeemed, a poem with illustrations by the author. Some more of Matt's writing and music can be found at

Alexandra Grace (poetry) is a graduate from the Sarah Lawrence MFA program. She has been published in RHINO, Lumina, Impetus and Thorny Locust. She is the curator of the Post-MFA/Pre-Book reading series at Cornelia Street Cafe. Alexandra grew up in a flowerpot in her parents backyard, where they watered her everyday.

Siobhan Ciminera (poetry) is finishing up her MFA in Creative Writing, Poetry at The New School. By day she is an editor at Penguin Young Readers Group where she edits books for such brands as Mad Libs, Nancy Drew and Angelina Ballerina.

** Hosted by Meghan Punschke

The reading will be held at Bluestockings Radical Books, located in the Lower East Side of Manhattan at 172 Allen Street between Stanton and Rivington - which is 1 block south of Houston and 1st Avenue, 7pm.

The PSA event is also going on at the same time so it will be a duel to the poetic death.

This has been an overwhelming week. Wow, look, I'm being honest about my emotional state. I'm reading Crane and nothing is making sense anymore. I'm also reading and re-reading "Sorry, Tree," by Eileen Myles. I went to hear her read on Monday. Basically, I realize that I have really not read much poetry at all and the fact that I had never heard of her but when I googled her name "New York City Icon" came up like 90,000 times confirmed this. That and other secret facts that I haven't really read much Blake etc. I'm not going to reveal further specifics of my lapse in education so that I can still BS you when I see you next. No wait, tell me things that will make me smarter.

I'm going to stop writing like a 5th Grader right about now.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Poor Word Choice Press

"Newt Says Sorry Via YouTube"
This is the article in AM NewYork:
Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who is mulling a presidential bid, said his "word choice was poor" when he equated bilingual education with "the language of living in a ghetto."

In a video statement read in Spanish and posted on YouTube last Wednesday, the Georgia Republican said he was not attacking the Spanish language:

Let me also just point out that the line "the language of living in a ghetto" is a ridiculous phrase to begin with. The language of one who lives in a ghetto? Maybe he really meant to say bilingual education is the language of love?
Examples of how ridiculous Gingrich's own phrasing is:
the language of living in a tree house
the language of living in an apple pie
the language of living in Jeremy Piven's birthday cake

You Should Not Make Condescending Comments about the Ghetto:

Someone Who Has Never Even Heard of a Ghetto:

Saturday, April 7, 2007

P.S. to the Previous Press Press

Um, do you Understand What Is Going On Here? These masks symbolize the plagues? Will someone buy me "boils" so I can wear it when I see The Reaping? Will I maintain this level of excitement so that all future sentences end with questionmarks of joy and confusion?

Maybe I can also get my friend to wear "Lice" when we go. Tag team.

Wax Roses Are Not Meant To Be Given To Your Sweet Heart Press

Tomorrow I'm going to see the Reaping:

I particularly like this image of the Tenth Plague, death of the first born son:

This is the fifth Plague:

Aparently when you die from a plague, you lean off in diagonal angles.

Hillary Swank, kind of don't like her. BUT I do like plagues. Check it out, Swank can't figure out why the lake is filled with real human blood (!) when she knows:

There are straightforward explanations of the ten plagues. Most are epidemiological in origin. H.M. Duncan Hoyte (1993) and John S. Marr and Curtis D. Malloy (1996) approach the plagues from a medical point of view, and they do not always come to the same conclusions. According to Hoyte, the water of the Nile turned red because of a "red tide" of dinoflagellates, which is common in salt water, but does occur in flesh water as well. Red tides can be toxic to fish, leading to massive fish kills. In the Nile, the water would have turned red, the fish would then have died, followed by the stench of their carcasses. Frogs would have fled the river, invading the surrounding lands and then died of dehydration. Marr and Malloy also suggest that a dinoflagellate bloom is the cause of color change and the fish kill. The reason for the population explosion of frogs following the fish kill is not clear in their paper (they may have felt that reduced predation by fish was the obvious explanation).

The "lice" of the third plague is sometimes translated as "gnats" and may in fact have been mosquitoes, according to Hoyte. The species is most likely Culex antennatus. Mart and Malloy conclude that nearly microscopic and bloodsucking midges better fit the description of the third plague, particularly Culicoides species.

The flies that constitute the fourth plague are most likely stable flies (Stomoxys calcitrans), according to Hoyte. Marr and Malloy agree that this species is the most likely culprit.

The fifth plague involves a murrain, a plague, that killed many farm animals. Hoyte concluded that surra, a disease that affects most farm animals but not humans, is the cause. Stable flies transmit surra, so plague number four could have led to plague number five. Marr and Malloy conclude that plague three led to plague five, that the Culicoides midge transmitted both African horse sickness (killing horses, donkeys and other equines) and bluetongue (killing cattle, sheep and goats).

The boils and skin sores of the sixth plague, according to Hoyte, resulted from the bites of stable flies. Open wounds led to infections such as Group A streptococci. Marr and Malloy conclude that it most likely was glanders, an airborne bacterial disease of animal and humans presently found in Africa and the Middle East. Fly bites can transmit glanders.

Hoyte simply states that the seventh, eighth, and ninth plagues were a hail storm, a swarm of locusts, and a dust storm respectively. Mart and Malloy point out that hailstorms do occur in Egypt and can devastate crops. A plague of locusts would have devoured all plant food still in the fields. The plague of darkness is a dust storm, a common event in the region.

The final plague, death of all firstborn, is most likely caused by an epidemic of typhoid fever, according to Hoyte. Mart and Malloy disagree with the typhoid idea and offer another explanation. They conclude that the loss of fish, crops, and livestock meant that the only food source left was the stored grains from previous harvests. Toxic substances produced by fungi in the grains could have killed those who ingested them and in a time of shortage, the firstborn would have preferential access to the stored food.

So, I hear the movie is bad. But if you substitute "fun" for "bad" then it could be a real good time.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Don't Paw the Grass, Nervous Pony, Press

So, I wasn't able to go home for Passover. Then my Mom said she was sending me a care package, which I full-heartedly love to get because it means 1) I can pretend I'm 11 years old at overnight camp and my mom is sneaking candy to me (and no, I was not at Fat Camp, promise) 2) it will be the one package I open that isn't filled with 2 hardcopies of an academic manuscript. Since I missed Passover, in the back of my mind I guess I assumed it would be like a box of Matzah or something of that nature. But NO, in the Berman/Cohen house hold, when one misses a family gathering of one religious holiday, one is immediately sent a care package composed entirely of the upcoming holiday of a rather opposing religion. That is how we Berman/Cohens like to roll. Welcome to the life of I-Have-A-Jewish-Last-Name-With-A-Long-History-But-I-Was-Raised-As-An-Atheist-So-I'm-Going-To-Partake-In-Whatever-Holidays-Have-Really-Really-Goofy-Gifts-I-Can-Give. Thus, the Peeps.

Thus, my mom sent me this completely Awesome kit for decorating Eggs called "Dudley's Funky Foam." Please note, I did not say "dyeing" because there is no dye involved. Instead, it comes with foamy letters you can press onto eggs, also flowers and turtles.

I decided to use them to make an easter card for a friend. See above.

Happy Easter & Doff That Yoke of Ignorance, ok?