Saturday, February 24, 2007

Best Sister/Worst Sister

(C) Amy King

Nights of poetry readings are always Wildly Adventurous. Practically a Hardy Boys novel, each one. Well, maybe not all nights. I went to the MiPO reading at Stain on Friday. Small but awesome crowd of people. The bar did not open until 20 past when the reading was supposed to start so I ended up in a giant dollar store in Brooklyn that had heaps of remote control cars and socks. Now, I've owed my brother a birthday present for almost two months and I kept trying to get him a remote control car so that he could strap beer to it and have his Pledges deliver him beer via remote at his frat. But my schedule is sort of hectic so every time I went to a Circuit City type place they were always locking the door in my face and turning off the light. The Stars aligned last night and I bought a set that comes with TWO Kawasaki ATVs with riders on them. So now my brother will be able to race. Or have TWO beers delivered at once. Nice. That is why I am a good sister. The first photo is me, being prematurely proud, displaying the ATV before it's fully out of the box and before I realized I had no clue or skills necessary to assemble it.

Why I am a bad sister: of course, I wanted to play with the toy myself. So before the reading began five poets rallied to help extricate the ATVS from the packaging, install the two different kinds of batteries into the remote and the cars, and get them rolling. Always carry a Leatherman. Point being, I'm gifting a semi-used present.

Also, using remote control cars makes you feel inexplicably powerful. And anyone who denies that they say "Vroom Vroom" in their head when racing one of them is a liar.

In other world news, JM pointed out to me that mid-March, "Edward Scissorhands The Ballet" goes up at BAM. JM is definitely getting tickets. I'm a little wary of anthropomorphising topiary, etc, but I'm kind of in love with this clip:

Thursday, February 22, 2007

World News and Poetry News

Can you tell which image is about world news and which is about poetry?
Good for you.

1. So, a "Colossal" squid was found in New Zealand yesterday. So Big & Amazing & Unusual that they had to kill it and freeze it for observation. Gawd forbid we actually let a mysteriously large sea creature live out its mysteriously solitary life in peace.

Is it human nature to find something unusual and beautiful and then want to kill it? It took them 2 hours to reel it in. That's 120 minutes for someone to say (either in English, Maori, or New Zealand Sign Language), "Hey, I have a better idea, why don't we let this BadMother live?"

2. Anyways, check out the sweet line up for the reading I'm in at AWP (non-squid image). I'm reading for the journal Absent.

3. Friday, I'm going to try and make this reading:

Stain Bar, Brooklyn, NYC
February 23, 2007 @ 7 P.M.

JENNIFER L. KNOX was born and raised in Lancaster, California , where
absolutely anything can be made into a bong. Her work is featured in
Best American Poetry 2006, and her book of poems, A Gringo Like Me, is
available from Softskull Press.

SINA QUEYRAS'most recent collection of poetry, Lemon Hound, was
published by Coach House Books in 2006. Last year she edited Open Field: 30
Contemporary Canadian Poets. She is contributing editor to Drunken Boat
and co-curator of Belladonna reading series. This year she is visiting
professor at Haverford College. Next year she is writer-in-residence at
the University of Calgary. She wears a cape whenever possible and keeps
a blog:

ROBERT BOHM is a poet and culture writer. He was born in Queens, NY.
His new chapbook, Uz Um War Moan Ode, will be published in 2006 by
Pudding House Press. His other credits include two books, another chapbook
and work published in a variety of print and online publications.

766 Grand Street Brooklyn, NY 11211
(L train to Grand Street Stop, walk 1 block west)

Hosted by One Bad MiPo Mother, Amy King

4. Saturday: I'm going to try and go to this before the Shark Attack show:

Saturday, February 24, 6 pm.
RealPoetik NYC

Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery, between Houston and Bleecker. $8.


Hosted by Editors Ana Bozicevic-Bowling & Caroline Conway

Mainly, though, I'm interested in going to and convincing people to come with me and put some live music in their ear (see Shark Attack post from yesterday).

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


When was the last time you read Emerson? Emerson ROCKS.

Since I grew up in Walden Pond country, Emerson was a major part of my curriculum in 2nd-6th grade. But I had forgotten as high school (de)evolved into abusing Walden Pond for night skinnydipping and drinking. Alas, Emerson faded from my teenage memory.

"Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins."

"We are holden to men by every sort of tie, by blood, by pride, by fear, by hope, by lucre, by lust, by hate, by admiration, by every circumstance and badge and trifle, but we can scarce believe that so much character can subsist in another as to draw us by love. Can...we offer him tenderness?"

Seriously, though, offering tenderness with sincerity and care, that is high on my list of things I value. Too few have the guts. Put your guts into practice, people.

"I am ashamed to think how easily we capitulate to badges and names, to large societies and dead institutions....It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

All the snarky people out there can shove it, this is good stuff. On another note, though, I'm saddened that the class in which I get to talk about Emerson coincides with watching Beauty and the Geek. Bummer.

This is going on Thursday. You should go. I can't make it to the reading, but I'm going to try:

City Reliquary Museum in Williamsburg at 7:30pm, Feb 22nd.

The City Reliquary Museum is at 370 Metropolitan Avenue, a short walk from either the Bedford L stop or the Lorimer St. stop. Admission is a $5 donation to the museum, and includes a free drink. More drinks, at dangerously low prices, will be available.

Poets: Jennifer Michael Hecht, Michael McDonough, and Jeremy Schmall

Musicians: John Foti + Charlie Faye

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

My Heart Went Straight to Video

This weekend I watched "Mozart and the Whale" with a few friends and my grandma, Spook. IMDB sums it up rather circuitously: A love story between two savants with Asperger's syndrome, a kind of autism, whose disabilities sabotage their budding relationship.

My summary would go more like this: HARTNETT TRIES TO PLAY AUTISTIC?!!!

(Please note his facial expression in the second photo. I think Harnett must be thinking, "Am I truly capturing the tenuous relationship between being physically close to someone yet emotionally disengaged? Yes, yes I am."

One reviewer very succinctly wrote in the user comment: "Disappointed nearly to the point of anger."

We, however, found it quite amusing. I tried to explain the concept of "So bad it's good" to my Grandma but I think there is a place in her heart only for "So good it's good."

The KGB reading last night was fun, everyone was very enthusiastic. I acquired Amy King's new book, "I'm the Man Who Loves you" as well as one of Rohrer's older books, "A Green Light" so I'll tell you all about them when I have a chance to curl up and do some serious reading.

Everyone in NY should come to this show on Saturday, in which Michael Leviton is playing. When he goes solo, he rocks the ukulele like no other sea-sick cabin boy. However, he'll be playing as a member of the surf band Shark Attack. Should be fun, see details:

Saturday, February 24th
The Annex
152 Orchard Street, at Rivington
Shark Attack on at 10pm!




also see:

Friday, February 16, 2007

Oni Buchanan and Finger Painting

Occasionally, my extended family sends chain mail. Like the kind of chain mail you sent in 4th grade. I don't usually respond to chain mail because, who does? I think it's really only meant to be forwarded on if you're malevolent or deleted from your inbox if you're benevolent. When it comes from my family, I gently place it in the category of "trying to reach out" so it's ok (Mom, I know you're reading this). Anyways, I recently received a chain letter that I specifically remember getting from another family member over a year ago. What does it say about my family besides early onset Alzheimer's that I am twice to receive "Amazingly Painted Hands"? The American eagle hands are creepily patriotic while the elephant is boarder-line cute besides the over-riding weirdness that some adult spent hours painting and then photographing his hands.

In other non-inbox related news... I went back and re-read Oni Buchanan's What Animal that I bought in 2003 to see if I still enjoyed it. I did. I'm pasting below an excerpt from a poem that I like:

I approach the luminous stranger who came to me
from darkness in a gown of lettuce leaves, in a velvet

cloak of green that appeared at first another piece of dark,
but pulled apart into the glow-sphere and danced

in swaying steps, the lucent majesty that slipped towards me
from the reigning silence black above cage.

Oh extravagance—and were my teeth too sharp to greet
or sharp enough? I do not understand what was meant

to happen and what was a mistake—but know the bursting,
the sickening snap of ecstasy wrenched back to the body

and the green gown flung in crippled circles traced
like diagrams of wasting moons above my head—or portals

to another world, I thought, but as I thought, the shriek
dissolved, the body crumpled from the air and landed

on its side beneath the salt lick. All night I tended
the wasted skin and careful, brought water,

alfalfa, made a bed of cedar chips and tried to gather
molecules of breath that floated from the plant shelf.

Thanks University of Georgia Press. Too bad Oni has a rather annoying website. Read the book, avoid the site.

There is a Kitchen Press poetry reading tonight through the Burning Chair Reading series at the Fall Cafe in Caroll Gardens tonight. I believe the show starts at 7:30pm (Friday).

Apparently, I've heard from multiple sources and sometimes multiple times from the same source that "Pizza" is a terrible, terrible movie not worth watching. Sorry Ethan Embry. So I will not be watching this movie or subjecting anyone else to it as I previously thought I would. Instead, last night I subjected friends to the LAMEST episode of Grey's Anatomy that has aired so far.

I'm making a list of words I always spell incorrectly. The list is titled, "Words I Spell Wrong And Am Absolutely Too Old To Be Spelling Wrong At My Age." I'll work on grammar at a later date, for now spelling:

"dissapointment" = disappointment
"Ocassionally" = occasionally
"endeauvour" = endeavor
"beauro" = bureau
"san franscico" = san francisco
"neofarious" = nefarious

etc etc. I'm noticing a pattern with excess vowels and arrangement of double-letter words. If I keep adding to this list while memorizing the correct spelling as I go, I may save hours of otherwise wasted time spent spell-checking and

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

V-Day and Pizza

1) The image of the roasted carrots came up when I google searched "Valentines." Now I really, really, really want a Valentine to show up on my doorstep with a tray or two of nicely spiced carrot slices, still warm. My sentiments exactly.

2) The movie "Pizza" is en route to my house. I'm interested to see the chemistry between Ethan Embry (recall Empire Records and then..nothing..) and chubby teenage newcomer: on the eve of chubby's birthday she joins pizza boy (Embry) on his deliveries and they have "the night of their lives." Imagine how many life changing discoveries one can have on a single delivery route!

I've got nothing for you on poetry. Today is one of those days where everyone you see looks like a slightly worse version of someone you know.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Day 2 of Westminster Dogshow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Headline for this news article was "Billy Collins gets ready for AWP."

Oh wait, that was mean, sorry. And today was going to be my "nice" day.
And also, I'm genuinely excited for AWP. And also, we know B.C. won't be there.

The Westminster Dogshow-it goes without saying that this represents something terribly wrong with society, mostly American and British. Yet, somehow it's so wrong it makes me feel a bit gleeful. I like that some people are so rich and inbred themselves that they think this is an ok past time. Maybe I should direct them to the Ugly Duckling Presse 6x6 reading tonight at The Kitchen (i.e. this falls into the real ok past time-I'm allowed to be biased, no?)...

Monday, February 12, 2007

What Green Tea Can Do For You...I Mean..Me

I have been off the coffee (too much love) and onto green tea for a handful of years now, and I was mildly addicted to "Green Tea Blast" smoothies from the yuppie haven Jamba Juice. By the way, a friend told me that Jamba means "fart" in Swahili (and this has been confirmed). Anyways, I recently re-lapsed and am back on the smoothie wagon. But it's so effing cold out that I have to drink my smoothie (which gives me all the caffeine I need until approx 4pm) coupled with a hot cup of decaf green tea. So basically I'm just saying that at 8am when I roll into work, I have a bit of a douchy situation going on with my giant cold smoothie and then my counter-the-cold hot tea. I'm waiting for my colleagues to have an intervention.

Anyways, the Andy Mister vs. Jess Mynes reading last night was great. Mister kind of reminds me of Muppets. I'm not saying he looks a like a muppet at all- I'm saying that there is something sort of charmingly goofy and self-aware when he's in front of a crowd that just reminds me of muppets. I think this is a really good thing. I wish more people reminded me of muppets. I very much like the second 1/2 of Mister's poem in Shampoo #16:

a pigeon is caught in my veins: cannot
open that window: cannot open your body.
& is it the body that lets us know that need
is only need, & if so whose? Are you too tired
to fly out? Yesterday: caught sight of myself
in a shop window: something else I cannot hold:
someone else I cannot press my fingers through.

I'm going to start having a question of the day:
What is your spirit animal?

If you are feeling down today, I suggest (re)reading O'Hara's poem "Having a Coke with You."

Matt Hart is reading at KGB tonight. I don't think I'll make it but you should go if you can. I will be home reading Byron. Byron's Don Juan. Not Balzac. Byron.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Medium Light

Schefflera: This House Plant Will Help Purify The Air In Your Home or Office.
(Good to know that when I cannot create purity myself, I can buy it from Home Depot.)

Some plants only require medium light, this probably means they will live longer in your living room. Exhibit A is the Schefflera plant that I have in my office, requiring "medium light." Exhibit B is the leaf pile that accrues when I forget to water Exhibit A. Maybe if my plant was more friendly or communicative, I would remember to water it.

So yesterday I went to the EOAGH reading at Bowery to hear Mark Bibbins, Amy King, Brenda Ijima, and Corrine Fitzpatrick. They rock. Filip Marinovich (unless there was another Philip/Filip reading who had longish hair and a red shirt) read very "excitably."

Tonight (Sunday) Andy Mister and Jess Mynes read at Zinc at 7pm. Come!

New Netflix finally arrived: 1) Empire Records, 2) Slither, and 3) My Super Ex-Girlfriend. I'm excited for 1 and 2. I'm not really sure why 3 is there. Maybe because I have a soft spot for Uma and also Luke Wilson (with a nose like that...). Maybe because we all need a little dreck in our life for the sake of homeostasis.

Last night at 2am I went to buy fixings for a sandwich. I ended up getting "veggie cheese" (yes, I'm human and make mistakes) which apparently is cheese only made from vegetables. Vegans have it rough. Food should not imitate food.

Also, I find it slightly offensive that my spellcheck does not recognize "dreck" or even "drek" as a real word.

Friday, February 9, 2007

Laundry Day is very Dangerous day

The Circumference reading was great last night, held in a gallery with lovely drawings on the walls by the French artist Vidya Gastaldon (the photo is of Vidya’s instillation art). Intricate geometric shapes, twisted colors. It made me want to either a) someday make enough money to invest in art or b) have a patron (aka sugardaddy?) who will lace my walls with artwork. Or maybe there is a c) acually collect the amazing paintings and drawings by some of my friends and display them, nicely framed, in my apt. Friends in “c)” please step forward with your beautiful scrolls. Also, anyone who wants to be in “b)," you are also more than welcome to step forward.

Tonight I go to this, come with me:
Friday, February 9 St. Marks Poetry Project
Open 24 Hours Press, edited by Greg Fuchs and John Coletti
Readers include Corina Copp, Arlo Quint, Dustin Williamson, Mariana Ruiz-Firmat and Erica Kaufman. Plus a collaborative happening with visual artist Jonathan Allen, frequent Open 24 Hours cover designer.

Laundry Day is soon approaching. I need to buy socks tonight.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

The World is Going HayWire

A) Late Breaking News:
Anna Nicole Smith died today. Sad blow for celebrity magazines everywhere.

B) Will someone please Netflix "Night of the Creeps" for me? This is the IMDB summary from the 1986 movie:
In 1959, an alien experiment crashes to earth and infects a fraternity member. They freeze the body, but in the modern day, two geeks pledging a fraternity accidentally thaw the corpse, which proceeds to infect the campus with parasites that transform their hosts into killer zombies.

(Thank you JMc for the recommendation.)

C) I read the NY Post coming home from class etc last night at 1am and thus, when I went to pick up the Post this morning for my ride to work, I realized I had nothing to read. This forced me to throw down a whole $.50 instead of the usual $.25 for the Daily News. Honestly, not impressed at all. There was a whole section about the best public places to dump your boy/girlfriend before V-day. Did I pay double to downgrade? Well, I learned how to "Ditch That Lame Lover At One of NYC's Top Dumping Grounds":

#1. Washington Sq. Park
"It is the perfect place to say "I'm bored with you.'"

#2.The Waldorf Astoria

#3. Pete's Tavern

#4. PM Nightclub
(Wait, what kind of pansy/jerk actually takes a serious girlfriend to a nightclub to dump her?)

#5. The Met
"I'd go to the Met because it's only a $5 suggested donation. Nobody wants to drop $20 at the MoMA just to have him run out crying after seeing just one Warhol," says Chris, 25.

#6. McDonalds
(Oh man, really?)

#7.The Subway
"You can always get off at the next stop," says Bobby, 27.

#8. On the Brooklyn Bridge
(Wait, does the Daily News not remember that V-day is in February? Anyone willing to walk even 1/2 way across the Brooklyn Bridge in February deserves to be dumped for lack of brain)

I'm not even going to give you 9 and 10, they are too lame. If you have ever "dumped your lover" at any of the above you will be automatically rejected from my heart and you'll have to petition for re-entry. It may involve singing "Sexyback" in a panda costume at either location #6 or #8 during rush hour.

D) I'm excited for the Circumference reading tonight at 7pm.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Astro-Nut Today, Poetry Reading Tomorrow

Um, The New York Post tells me:
HOUSTON (AP) -- Hiding her face from the cameras, astronaut Lisa Nowak returned to Texas and headed to Johnson Space Center for a medical assessment Wednesday, a day after being charged in Florida with trying to murder the woman she believed was her romantic rival for a space shuttle pilot's affections.

A police car met Nowak's plane on the tarmac, and the astronaut, her head covered by a jacket, was escorted down the stairs and into the waiting squad car, then driven away.

"She looked thin, looked tired," said John Gruttadaurio, a passenger who was aboard Nowak's flight from Orlando, Fla.

Nowak underwent the medical assessment later Wednesday morning at Johnson Space Center, NASA spokeswoman Nicole Cloutier-Lemasters said. She wouldn't say if that assessment included a psychological evaluation, but she said Nowak was leaving with her family.

Less than 24 hours earlier, Nowak had been in a Florida courtroom hearing that she was charged with attempted first-degree murder, in addition to attempted kidnapping and three other crimes stemming from what police described as a love triangle involving a fellow astronaut. She was released on bail but ordered to stay away from the other woman and to wear a monitoring device.

It was a remarkable downfall for a woman whose life seemed to be on a perfect trajectory until a few months ago.

Nowak became an astronaut after winning a series of Navy service awards, and she flew on Discovery in July, where she and crewmate Stephanie Wilson were known as "the Robochicks" because they operated the shuttle's robotic arm. She also was a mother of three and said in a September interview with Ladies Home Journal that her husband, Richard, "works in Mission Control, so he's part of the whole space business, too. And supportive also."

But there were signs that not everything was right in her life.

Chill out, eat some freeze-dried icecream already.

I'm going to this Poetry Reading on Thurs:
February 8, 7 PM
Circumference: translators Emily Moore, Caroline Crunpacker, Wendy Walker, and Matthew Zapruder will read poetry translated from Spanish, Chinese, French, Arabic, and Romanian.
Swiss Institute – Contemporary Art
495 Broadway 3 FL / NY 10012

Join me. I'll give you space icecream.

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Become an M & M

Two days ago I was 1/2 reading Wordsworth and 1/2 watching a Beauty and the Geek marathon (which doesn't work very well) and there was this creepy ad with an M&M crawling all over the screen and the M&M had hair, which is disgusting. At the end of the ad it said "become an M&M at" Obviously, I had to become an M&M. This is one of the weirder sites I've been to recently (ok, I have a boring internet- search life, big deal) and it lets you pick things like the shape of your M&M body (are you all chocolate or are you also peanut?), hair, eye shape, and then weird accoutrements like a giant cup, a soccer ball, a camera etc. And then you can select your name from a variety of very bizarre names, such as "Greasemonkey," "Sugarlump," "Mushmouth" and "Marmoset." You can also take photos with weird backgrounds, such as a beach or the Parthenon and then you can stick penguins in palm trees and whatnot:

That should take you to a "photo" of "me" I saved.

By the way, Wordsworth was born in Cockermouth, England in 1770.

This weekend I went to a MV & EE show in Philly. It was held at a Unitarian Universalist Church, which was a very tiny, wooden shoebox of a space. The female singer was adorable- the kind of person you want to bake chocolate chip cookies and knit mittens for. Their new album (image above) is something to listen to.

I also picked up all these Unitarian Universalist pamphlets about children in the organization and it seems like the most kumbaya, god with a lowercase g, "religion" ever. Might UU be susceptible to being taken advantage of by savvy Atheist parents who need a free daycare center?

Friday, February 2, 2007

Things That Happened, Things That Will Happen

Things that Happened:
1)In 6th grade, Kriss Kross did a Sprite commercial. The commercial was awesome. I remember it well because a) at the time my "best" friend was in the process of ditching me for no apparent reason obvious to me, b) she knew the lyrics by heart and I was jealous, c) I wanted to hate her completely because she was ruining my little 6th grade life, but d) I couldn't hate her completely because I'm not soul-less and e) on top of it all, I was now angry at myself for being jealous of an evil wench. Anyways, here is the commercial:
You have to cut and paste the link, but it's worth it. There is still a .0001% part of me that hopes her personal hell will consist of getting stuck in episode six of Laguna Beach for eternity. Oh, if the sprite commercial didn't do it for you, you can watch "Jump Jump"- I bet it's been a while:
(by the way, the second image in this post came up when I googled "Kriss Kross"....I will send you a cookie if you can tell me why...I think it might have something to do with her shirt?

2) Diddy had twins yesterday. One of the girls is named Jessie James.

3) I went to go see Peter Markus read last night at Southpaw. He seems to be a lovely person and his poetry/prose is AWESOME. We're publishing one of his short stories in my journal that should be debuting before AWP. Get ready. In the meantime, buy my favorite of his books, "Good, Brother" at:

Things that Will Happen:
1) There is an MV & EE show tonight at 8pm in greenpoint. My friend's band is opening for them. I am going to try and make it to the show. We'll see.

2) Someday very soon I will have links to my poetry online (it's just very time consuming to make this happen since I am slow with the cut and paste buttons) Just you wait. While you wait you can check out the debut issue of Sawbuck. It's a very simple blog layout but has many good poets in the first line up. I'm in the next issue so you'll have to hold your horses on that one.